Post Meridian. Philly-Takarazuka Correspondence.

baby i can see your halo

2009-10-14T13:05:00.000-07:00

Yeah so my brother downloaded the Glee soundtrack and I can't get it out of my head. Ahhh! Fortunately, the only side effects are inexplicable peppiness and joy.

So you haven't posted! What's up in Takarazuka? How is the new job going? How is the not smoking going? I'm not quite there yet - in fact, I may be smoking a few more cigarettes a day now that I'm working full time because I can't NOT get out of this room for a few minutes every couple of hours or I'd lose my mind. Still, it's only a rare occasion when I smoke more than 5 or 6 a day, and I can live with that. I remember a few winters ago when we would have people over at the house everyday sparkling, I was up to 2 packs a day - and they were Marlboro Menthols. Ugh! Remember the days when we had nothing to do but smoke cigarettes, and only enough money to buy whatever 2-for-1 deals they had at the 7-11?

Bad times for my lungs.

Speaking of bad times, it's not surprising that you get that stabbing feeling in your ribcage still. Considering how much emotional trauma even I suffered during that time, I can't begin to imagine how you've processed it. I would never wish on anyone what you guys went through, and though I might have been wrong-headed sometimes with my interference, at the time I know we both did what we thought we needed to do. I know you must be scarred from what went down because sometimes I felt like watching what the relationship was doing to my best bro was the hardest thing I've ever done and I tried every way I could think of to protect you.

But not to be a Debbie Downer. I truly believe that time heals all wounds. How could it not? Memories fade and even though you might always remember feeling heartbreak, well, your heart will not always be broken - I suspect it has already put itself back together. Just keep focusing on being you and being happy and before long you will not even recognize the person you were then, and the hurt will will be an old memory, too.

On to lighter topics: I had a FABULOUS weekend. In fact, I intend to make every fucking weekend fabulous now that they're all I have. I know I've only been at this full time business for a week and a half but I've been watching this excellent British sitcom called "Spaced" with my brother, and it makes me miss being unemployed! (shhh - I don't mean it Universe!) It's basically a bizarre British stoner nerd version of FRIENDS. I just get pangs when they party late and wake up in the afternoon with nothing to do but go on wacky missions and hang out with their friends.

How sad is it that life doesn't work that way all the time?

Anyway, my weekend. It's gotten very chilly and autumnal here in Philly so on Saturday I took a long drive through Bucks County with my brother and his friend, Stubbs. Naturally, between each destination we were sure to introduce a new variable. We had breakfast at a diner, I bought a frickin' tie-dye hoody at Quakertown mart, we hiked through a 5-acre corn maze, scouted the Moravian Tile Works in Doylestown for fortifications in the event of a zombie infestation, and got fresh, cold apple cider and cider doughnuts at Styer's Orchard. And the drive was gorgeous - Alex's GPS capabilities on his iPhone let us take the most direct, and extremely scenic, routes.

Sunday was perhaps even more epic. Stephen had canceled on going on the drive with us Saturday to play a funeral, so he agreed to come down after church Sunday and we took the train into the city for Outfest. We brought with us a couple of white iced tea bottles filled to the brim with cheap riesling, of course. Lol. Oh and I ate a variable cookie on the train, too. So by the time we got to the Gayborhood we were already pretty ripped.

We met up with Kim, and continued drinking, wandering around the vendors, dancing to the music and yelling obscenities at the Christian protesters telling us we could achieve heterosexuality through Christ's love. Ha! What was really funny was when they turned the mic over to the gays and let us ask questions. I really wanted to be like "So, if I don't believe in Jesus, I'm going to hell, anyway, right? K, then I think I'll go right along eating pussy. Thx."

But naturally I just hollered at them something about Jesus eating pussy instead. Lol.

We eventually headed over to Tavern On Camac (try to control your shock) to meet up with Laura Spagnioli, better known as L-Spags, Stephen's former French prof. I had met L-Spags once before, this past summer when we were still living in S Philly. Stephen and I started a short-lived tradition called "cafe day" where we would walk to the Good Karma cafe on 22nd St and Pine and sit outside sipping coffee, smoking cigs, and harshly judging passersby.

On this one particular occasion, Stephen had planned to meet with L-Spags alone to discuss an essay for grad school, but when he got to the house in the morning I was still awake after staying up all night smoking and watching TV on DVD. Anyway, he insisted I go with him for coffee since I couldn't risk throwing off my whole sleep schedule by going to bed at 11am, and that's where I met L-Spags who I found to be bright, witty, and just a whole lot of fun. Plus it was good to hang out with an academic type again.

Wow, I think I've been typing this on and off for almost 2 hours. I really need to stop going off on background-info tangents so much, lol!

So back to Outfest: we enjoyed a round of Tequila Sunrises at TOC - which true to TOC form were made with Jose Cuervo and were about 80% tequila, 20% sunrise. DeLIcious. We decided to wander more, but didn't get very far because there was a huge impromptu dance party happening outside of Venture Inn where they had speakers and a DJ booth set up. We danced for a while and saw a vogue contest unfold...then we walked out to Spruce St and promptly got caught up in a street-wide line dance including scantily-clad go-go dancers and ANOTHER vogue contest. As we speak I have pictures of a man's naked ass on my phone because for some drunken reason I thought Stephen would want pics of the go-go dancers for prosperity LOL.

Eventually, it got late and we wrapped up the day with a big, alcohol-absorbing meal with Kim at Bucca di Beppo and caught a train home.

All in all, a pretty epic weekend. On the slate for this weekend, though, is mostly me locking myself in my room and working on grad school applications. As I continually lament, I am woefully behind in the process - but in reality, there's just not THAT much work to do, so I am going to make a push and hopefully by this time next week I will be feeling prepared and on top of things. (Of course I will take a few work breaks - to hold a Glee marathon with Ste on Friday night, and hang out with Matt and Deb in S Philly on Saturday night. Just don't expect any crazy stories.)

Then next week it's back to business, because we're going live with the Canadian cities - our clients won't be using the information yet, but it will be active in our system for all the supervisors and the big boss man to see, so I will have to be on top of my shit. Sigh.

3 hours later, I've officially run out of writing steam (I seem to have run out of decent material approximately .5 hours in, lol. But never let it be said that I never let it be said.) I look forward to another post from you. They totally improve my days, so get on that shit!

Brotherly Love,

-Bito

the long and winding road

2009-10-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

K,

I'm so glad you posted even though I didn't! Truth be told, I didn't even think to check the blog until last night - I've had a pretty crazy hectic week. Last Sunday morning after my last overnight shift - around 4:30am - I crashed the crap out of my car hydroplaning on the Turnpike. The road was really wet and I was going too fast...I was driving in the right lane and I felt the wheel catch and suddenly I was spinning out. I spun around backwards, hit the concrete center barrier and slid backwards along it, sparks flying for about 1/4 mile.

I'm totally fine - although my neck did hurt for a few days from the whiplash - but there was that moment where I was seeing the sparks and headlights coming at me and hearing the grinding of my steel rims on the concrete when I was just thinking, Am I gonna die? I guess I could be about to die...

Needless to say I was happy not to have died. Still, it sucked sitting in my car in the rain for 2 hours waiting for the state police and a tow truck - which by the way I had to pay $150 for because PA doesn't let AAA help people on the toll road.

Anyway, the rest of the week was made crazy by a) dealing with the fallout from crashing the car and b) starting my Canadian Traffic Editor position at work. It's funny that we were kind of making our work transitions at the same time! Also, I'm so happy for you that your work days are getting back to normal. 10-11 hour days?!? Nuh-uh, child, you KNOW I would not be caught dead working that long! Actually, I'm pretty sure that's physically impossible for me anyway, LOL.

So then Monday sucked, because I woke up around 10:30 to a missed call from work because apparently my boss was expecting me in 9-5 (instead of 1-9 which is my normal shift) plus I had to wait for my dad to get home from his half day so I could use his car. And then of course I talked to the mechanic, who basically said that if I wanted to keep using my car without repairing the body damage (which would have cost way more than what the car was worth) that the back door and trunk would be useless.

Arggh. I'm so glad that week is over, I don't even want to talk about it! Suffice it to say, between driving to and from work in rush hour traffic, adjusting to a daytime schedule - as opposed to my usual afternoon/overnight schedule - and planning to buy a new car, I was pretty stressed.

On the plus side, this is my new car!!

Pretty sweet, right? She's so preeeetty. I still haven't decided what to name her. Also on the plus side, since my full-time job came with an unexpected PAY RAISE (from $13/hr to $16.83/hr) I will actually be able to afford the payments without killing myself, LOL.

That's pretty much how I spent the last week - unless you count complaining about my new job. One of the Canadian cities we'll be covering is Montreal. Even though during the interview my boss informed me that we would be able to get all of the information for Montreal in English (in spite of the fact that the primary language is French), it turns out that was just a lie, LOL. I've spent most of my prep time here trying to figure out ways to prepare English-speaking editors to speak to police dispatchers over the phone in French (HA!) and read construction reports that are written all in French.

For the speaking part, I think it may be an insurmountable task since we'll have to be able to UNDERSTAND what the dispatchers are saying, not just read our questions from a script...but in the meantime it LOOKS like I'm doing a lot of work preparing the language resources, so maybe I'll get another raise next performance review! Haha.

As you can see, not much personal life news. The diet and exercise kind of got abandoned this week, due to neck aching, business and an abundance of house guests. First my cousins last weekend, a cast party for my Mom and Alex's play yesterday, and now there are repairmen taking over my room all week to repair water damage from an AC issue we had earlier in the summer. Next weekend I'm going to be THRILLED to have no more strangers running around my house!

Hung out with Matt and Deb (a couple of my bro's friends) a few times. They're cool people, funny, smart, political and LOVE chilling out with mota as often as possible, LOL. Also Deb is one hell of a shoplifter. Me and Ste drove up with them Friday night to see the play, and hung out afterward getting crunk and talking shit.

My favorite pastimes! Haha.

In other entertainment news, I am OBSESSED with "Glee" this new musical sit com that just started a few weeks ago. I might never have watched it, but Tom and Lorenzo, these two gay Project Runway/fashion bloggers I heart, reviewed it here and I'm so glad they did. I am such a fag! I love the biting dialogue, the absolutely kick-ass musical numbers (seriously) and also, not gonna lie, I'm kind of in love with Lea Michele (the super-Jewish female lead; duh.) LOL. So I know you're not a big TV watcher, but if you're interested (knowing you, interested to check out the hot girl! :P) you can watch the first five episodes on Hulu. Oh, I also watched the movie "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" and it basically made my life.

Have I bored you long enough yet? LOL. I promise to post more often now that hell week is over (fingers crossed) and I do want to talk more about your last posts, but this one is starting to get super-long and rambly, so I will post again soon.

Gah! I miss you. We need to have one of our hours-long philosophical discussions/story times ASAP. Until then,

-Don Bito

And I keep on going...

2009-10-05T07:22:00.000-07:00

Hey Bro, so it's been too long... you should post something! What's going on in Phila?

Today I officially moved over to Claims in the insurance co. Doing both claims and client services for a month was a proper headache. Oh and training a new person. Average working day was 10 - 11 hours, then box for hour and a half, then commute hour and a half back home. So today, on my first day as a claims person, I left right at 6pm coz I felt like I had finished my days' job. And went straight to the gym.

Did I tell you I quit cigs three weeks ago, coz it just did't fit with tryna eat healthy and train to build fitness lol. I couldn't throw punches for a round without having to catch my breath and I really wanna see myself go the whole three min without stopping at all. hahaha I must sound silly.

Today one of the trainers offered to do a "play" spar with me, I don't know what you call in English but it's where the trainer just play defense and I get to punch all I want lol. Not easy as it sounds because they are quick, and you get frustrated throwing empty punches lol. But, the guy today, he wasn't just playing defense, he threw punches too and I was like oh shit haha. At first I could't get him and he kept saying like I can punch his face lol. Then I got a clean hit in his rib, then the side of his face and I think I pissed him off lol. He started to throw punches non-stop lol! He wasn't serious so it was fun, but it's the craziest sport man. I caught several taps on my forehead and chin... I would have been fucked if we were serious. The pros are always bleeding when they spar, some intense shit.

After that I had to just punch the bag with full power till it felt like my arms were gna come off coz I had so much energy left. It felt great, I highly recommend you trying man.

I really feel great these days! Last friday, I went out with my colleague's husband who just had a baby, and his sister from Chicago. I told you I haven't been drinking so much lately, but that night would've out done a night out in Philly. Jager, and unstoppable Imo-jyochu (Japanese liguor made from sweet potato), and downing beer like water, singing karaoke, don't remember getting home, but still went to work the next day to teach swimming to kids! ZOMG! Without a hangover too!! I know my friend came to pick me up at karaoke and drove me home, but I don't remember gettin off the car. I remember taking off my clothes to sleep, and then waking myself up to get ready for school. I was so sleepy, and then later figured that my friend came to get me around 3am from my text msg so I only had couple hours sleep lol! First lesson in the morning, I felt disoriented but then I was like so energetic with the kids it was great! I of course skipped the gym, went straight home, and fell face first on my pillow.

Anyways, I wana know what's up with you bro. Brain is going to shut down in 15 mins.

Peace and Love

K

But I feel alive and I feel it in me up and up I keep on climing higher and higher and higher

2009-09-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

A, bro, you know exactly how to make me laugh! I'm just out the boxing gym on my way home. It's 10pm and I'm beat sitting on the 60min train ride in my gym wear. I printed your post at work. This is the best kind of reading:)

I'm just seeing your horrified face reading about the hysterical date that I recently had. Haha! ya I'm glad I know the woman crazy right off the bat. The more I think of it, she made it real easy for me to quickly spit it all out before tasting anything more. I'm kinda grateful for the e-mail lol. Maybe coz I know I'm right. Thanks for your affirmation.

The good old Dalahk... I remember hugging you and hanging onto you like a dangling ear ring. I remember Jessye doing bridges and throwing a beer bottle and hitting some guy's car. Good fucking times. lol. On the downside I do remember feeling uneasy at Dalahk when Rachel was getting a fix of coca from some guy at the bathroom.

Ah Philly... the bittersweet.

Good to know West Philly and the things I'm fond of are still there. I remember waking up in West Philly many times... !! Many mornings on Jessye and Jess' old porch smoking cigarettes. I remember the coffee shop... was it called Satellite? I remember listening to the song Satellite in your car driving to West Philly in the morning to have coffee. Bumping into Corrine... I liked Corrine. I liked hanging out and getting stoned in West Philly. I liked the communal feeling.

As you might have sensed, I must admit that I still feel a stab right through my rib cage whenever I hear that name Rachel. I wish it would go away. My mind needs to reconstruct some memory associations. I am happy to hear she is well. It's the truth. The last I heard from her was when she left Cambodia and I don't know what she was going through but she did not sound happy, so no news is good news:)

Alyssa!!!!!!!!!! I did not see that coming at all! That Alyssa would be out in West Philly Dyke Dance Party!!! That is so awesome! And as much as I wish I was able to be out and about with you, I really wish I was there to party with Alyssa. It has been so long since I last saw her letting loose. Hahaha, I'm so glad you finally went out after not partying at all this summer!

What are Kim and Jessye up to these days besides West Philly Dake Dance Party? I really miss everyone and Philly man. Do you have any idea how much???? Ahhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrr. I miss you!

Hey man good to hear things are looking up there:) Keep it coming right?!?! I'm looking forward to hear about your full time position and just about your life man.

---That was from a scribble I did on the train home on Thursday. I read your Fall, 2008 letter Friday night and Kim is right in saying that we are all going to do something great with our lives.

Last weekend was a long weekend (5days holiday from Sat - Wed). I worked Sat, so mine was 4 days but still it was awesome! I had planned since last year that I'd use this holiday and my paid vacation to visit Philly... (it will happen soon enough!) If only things go as you plan... not always the truth.

Well a new plan was made short notice. Aki came over to Takarazuka!! She is working in Tokyo right now, so is everyone I know from school. Robin is also in Tokyo looking for work. I urged him to come with Aki but he needed to get ready for his trip to China. He has an interview and might start working there.

Aki came over Sunday night. I went to pick her up at the airport and we chilled at Takaraz. I had never explored around my neighborhood but there are cool places like bars and little restaurants. We had dinner at a River side Italian place then went to a Mexican Bar I found, then called it a night. On Monday I had planned to hook up with my friend Mie who I went to jr. high and high school with. If you remember Naoko who's also my high school mate who studied at Temple Main, she's close with both Aki and Mie and they all live in Tokyo. So Naoko has been wanting to get Aki and Mie to meet. So it was cool that it finally happened, and through me:) We went to Kobe Chinatown for lunch and pigged out. Then walked to the bay area and went on a little cruise around the bay. That was actually quite nice, it felt so good.

Yo I know my description doesn't sound so hot right now coz I'm thinking in Japanese in my head and it just doesn't feel natural. I usually think in English when I write English, but for some reason brain is on Japanese drive at the moment... okay well let's continue.

We walked around for ages around Kobe but still felt stuffed from lunch, so we kept walking and the girls wanted to look at clothes. Although we did spend the longest time in lingerie store.lol. Mie kinda surprised me - I really liked her and got along with her for a long time but was never attracted to her before - I found her to be very attractive this time I met her. So strange, coz we know each other since we were little 14 year old brats. We are 25 now and I couldn't believe myself lol. Then I remembered about what you were saying about P and falling for the most convenient catch...

Well Mie left around 8 coz she had early appointment the next day. Aki and I continued to wander around Kobe some more. Still not hungry but tried to look for a good place to have dinner. I love walking around. That's how I got familiar with Philly... well Center City n the night life. I remember Heidi, Nygia, Devon girls would make fun of me walking all the time. To Sisters, back to Chinatown apartment. They said I was like an African Tribe person... lol

So we walked around Kobe and I loved it, but Aki probably thought can we not walk anymore?! We ended up in a small Korean restaurant which was very authentic. Had cold sweet Korean rice wine called Makkori served out of a kettle. It was so nice and easy to drink we had two kettles lol! On our way home, I kept having to wake Aki up to change trains lol, and when we finally got home she passed out on the floor in my room! I was like, alright Aki I let you take a nap while I jump in the shower and then you can freshen up with a shower too and we can have girl talk lol. But she never woke up really... she'd open her eyes when I talked to her and said she was getting up hahaha. She then said the ceiling was spinning. I gave her some water. Yo we gotta have some Makkori together man! hahaha. Then I smoked and watched TV, Rocky 2 was on so I was like damn that's Italian market!! and also passed out in front of the TV... when I woke up around 3am and went to bed, Aki was still in her jeans passed out. Gave her some abuse the next morning for being a bum lol! it was funny.

The next day Aki wanted to take a walk around my place. There's a river right along and rice fields and little farms up the mountain. You see now why my commute is like an hour and a half. It's really nice though, I have to admit. I've thought I want to move out and live in the city so many times, but I've also thought how glad I was to be living away from the city seeing so many little insects and creatures including geji. haha. In the summer a colorful lizard would surprise me by jumping out the bush when I'm walking to the station. See a river crab coming out and being run over by a bike leaving it's flat corpse on the little street.

So we walked around and Aki was picking up acorns off the ground and putting them in her pocket. Hahaha, she said they don't have them that big in Tokyo... (To be continued)

Hey Bro, I have more to write but it's getting late I need go to bed. Will update soon!

Love and Peace
K

Letter to K, Fall 2008

2009-09-24T13:05:00.000-07:00

Hey! It's been almost a week since I posted, so I thought I'd input this unsent letter I wrote you - geeze, almost a year ago now. Specific date unclear, but it looks to have been right after Thanksgiving last year. Funny how much has changed since then!

Keiko,

I'm sitting here in my armchair in my room (we've moved the old TV back upstairs for the winter. It's weird, writing you in pen...it's so permanent - I can't just go back and erase. Well, maybe this will be a draft. If I fuck it up I'll just have to start again...

Your letter may have been the best thing to happen to me all year. Primarily because, as years go, 2008 is a real stinker. It started off all right - with the experiment and, even after you left I had some good times with Zayne, stoner road trips, drinking champagne and tanning on the roof...when she left it really sunk in how many friends I'd lost track of in the course of the last couple years. It blows.

Anyway, it was really great to get your letter. RE: writing emails in your head: maybe we're both a little bit crazy! It was so great to read that line. Nothing helps a feeling of disconnect like hearing that my bro feels the same way I do even half a world away.

It was also great to hear that you miss my poems - maybe that sounds conceited, but that's not my intention. I've been writing pretty sparsely, still. If you thought I was becoming a shriveled-up hack when I was unemployed and stoned all the time, you should see what I've become now that I have this job. I work 40+ hours a week but I have no benefits. Lots of overnight shifts. On one hand, it's great that I basically get paid to surf the net for 8 hours at a time; on the other hand, more often than not I'm ready to stab myself in the face out of boredom, and it's damn hard to find "job satisfaction" when you're doing a job that quite frankly ANYTHING WITH OPPOSABLE THUMBS could do. Heck, if you took the mouse and keyboard out of the equation a prawn could probably do it.

So between that and my dearth of friends, not to mention a dearth of free time in which to see the others who work 9-5 jobs (Kim and Jessye), it has been a tad difficult to feel inspired lately. For more on my particular feelings of stagnation and desperation, if you haven't been you can check out my Myspace blog. I've been fiddling around with that again.

Angst aside, it isn't as if 2008 didn't have its salvagable moments. We went to the beach with Rich for a couple of days, but got so fucked up sunburnt that we were too tire to get fucked up drunk and go on the rides. And we made a separate, more mellow beach trip with Brian the Boy at the end of the summer.

So there's that. Missed you at Thanksgiving. Me, Ste, my brother and his friend were smoking a spliff out back and my Aunt Lisa came outside. I offered her a hit and she just said "Oh, you don't know how long it's been!" And started smoking with us. LOL! And telling us this story about her college friend who was a fisherman and how he found BALES of mota floating in the bay, and she got 4 of them and spread them out all over her room to dry.

You should have been there, it was HILArious.

I guess I'd better wrap up this letter, huh? It's getting to be an epic. I guess,in closing, thanks for reminding me that I should be dreaming big things for the future. It's really hard when I live without joy 5 days a week and am still struggling to pay all my bills. Kim said all of us were going to do great things with our lives; I replied, "Yeah, right. How?"

She just said, "You want to be a writer, right? So write things."

So my new project is trying to believe in the optimism you guys possess. It would be so much easier if we were all still close by. Missing you always, and looking forward to our epic fucking reunion,

-Allyn

(PS - I don't know about "poetry," but I'm enclosing some scribblings I composed to you and all my absent friends. Hope you approve.)

And the following was LITERALLY some scribblings I had done one morning when I woke up, so don't expect greatness, here. LOL.

i miss this.

waking up with words on my lips and friends in my room.

i miss mornings and sunsets and bob marley spliffs.

i miss grass and i miss rock and i miss rock and roll.

i miss fresh water and fair-weather friends, i miss wood and incense and blown glass

i miss cats and light in the dark and warmth in the cold.

i miss pressure and release.

i miss them, and i want them back. days back.

fall back, i miss lockstep and winter and summer and spring and i miss doing bad things at good times.

i miss knowing everyone and being seen.

and being scene. LOL.

for that matter, i miss when "laugh out loud" meant something and i miss dappled shade.

i fucking miss you.

i miss the stone works and the rock garden and the commune and the road and i fucking miss missing things and i miss parties and planning parties but not as much as i miss parties that are totally unplanned.

i miss that night. you know the one.

i miss us then, and i miss you now.

i miss unemployment even though i don't miss being poor. i miss playing hookey. i miss sour mix and i miss bourbon and i miss shiraz.

i miss ashtrays and rummy and rum.

say hello to my riesling life (and vodka nights).

I don't feel like dancin' when the old Joanna plays...

2009-09-18T11:19:00.000-07:00

Oh, Keiko. Keiko, Keiko, Keiko.

That really is hysterical (and shitty) about your date. Reading your email exchange (both on Sunday and again today) I went back and forth between looking horrified (like, "Bitch, please!) and laughing smugly at this person who took it upon herself to tell you about yourself. And that pretty much sums up my reaction:

Bitch, please!

It sounds like you jumped on the crazy train to bad date-ville when you met up with her. A) of all - who is so much of a hater that the first thing she is gonna tell you after your date is that you had ugly shoes?? Thas crazy. Thas crazy. She crazy.

I obviously don't know as well as you but it sounds like you got another one fresh off the lesboat. I mean, to quote at length:

i have been going through a very difficult stage,trying to explore something in me, trying to be authentic and i feel so alone, alienated, scared and confused. so confused... and i had these ridiculous expectations that last night would clarify everything for me, that what im feeling would suddenly make sense

It's like, gee, Nevenka, you were hoping that this one first date with a person you met for 5 seconds in a dark bar was going to clarify everything for you? Well, no fucking pressure then, I wonder how the date could possibly have gone wrong?

I mean it sounds to me like all she wanted was to have sex with you so she could figure out if she was gay. Like you said in your response to her, why else would she invite you over to her place if, as she claims, you made her feel like crap the whole time?

You're spot on talking about her not being able to accept partial responsibility for the bad date. If she needs to send a nasty email full of haterade after a date just because she didn't get laid at the end, then she is a deeply immature person, which is really sad for someone who's 28. But I guess if she's going through some angsty coming out shit it makes sense that she'd be acting like a high school girl who just got turned down for the prom. Damn.

Anyway, those are my feelings on THAT shit. And in the long run, you're much better off knowing she crazy right off the bat - I mean, god forbid, you might have tried to be friends with her or something, and who knows what drama she could have spun from that. Oh, and one final thing: "that you identify yourself as a "butch" lesbian - was not a problem for me - you still manage to be really hot and sexy" ??

Like your gender identity was some sort of obstacle you needed to overcome in order to be attractive? Blrlrllrbbrlbrbrbl <<[Ed. note: this is the sound of me having a WTF seizure]

Bitch, PLEASE.

All right, I'm really done this time, lol. So, Saturday! I got out of work at 8 and headed to West Philly, to where Kim is living now, in one room of a huge house owned by a couple of friends of hers. Jessye came over, and we sampled some variable and listened to the Scissor Sisters (my new fave band EVER, btw) and tried to figure out a woman all three of us agreed was gorgeous. I had many suggestions, needless to say, but the only person we could all agree on was Rashida Jones.

Anyway. LOL. We left for Elena's, where the dance party is, around 11. We were headed upstairs, Kim in front, when all of a sudden she turns around and starts pushing us back down the stairs, whispering "It's empty, just go, go, go." For real, dude there were only like 2 people up there with the bartender and the DJ, it was kind of sad, lol. And we left the house specifically so we'd get there fashionably late!

So we went to Dalahk for a little while. It would have been nicer if it wasn't drizzling, but even so there were mad people there, even out back and we had no place to sit. Still, I was determined to get my drink on because I wanted to dance, and you know me and the whole lowered inhibitions thing. So I downed a Jim Beam and Coke, and then a couple of Jack and Cokes when they ran out of Jim lol. Oh, Dalahk!

A couple of notes on the drinkery situation: one, I'm getting away from drinking vodka all the time. I spent too many nights and too much money guzzling vodka for hours and never once feeling drunk until I would lay down and get the bedspins. I think maybe at this point my body doesn't recognize the difference between vodka and the blood coursing through my veins? Dunno, It's a mystery for another time. For now, though I'm a-stickin' to whiskey and the occasional tequila. But the second note is re: Dalahk: their prices came down again man! I paid $3 for the Jim and Coke and only $3.75 for the Jack. It's just like the good old days! Ahhh!

Haha, so after about a half hour of drinking we headed back to Elena's to see if shit ever jumped off over there, and wouldn't you know the place was packed with dykes. I don't get it, it's like all of West Philly Dykedom decided to get there at exactly 11:45pm. But whatever, it was poppin! Me and Jessye did Jack shots and I switched to beer. We danced when the music was good, and snuck out for cigarettes when it blew. We ran into Rachel and her gf, Linda, who both live in West Philly now, and YOU WILL NEVER GUESS. So I'm dancing and someone taps me on the shoulder and says "Hey, Allyn" and makes this gesture with open arms, like "It's me!" It was so dark all I could see was short dreads, and I was drunk and yelled "I can't make out your face!" And then she moved into the light and it was ALYSSA!!!

Yay!!! I was so super thrilled to see her again! Especially out and about, after her whole crazy thing with Kepa and being all super-Christian and wearing long drab skirts or whatever was up with that!! And as it turns out, the reason her dreads were so much shorter is she chopped them all off when she dropped Kepa. So now she's living with Rachel. We also ran into Corrine (who by the way looked all the fuck strung out or something) and Kistine and Johnny - you know, all those West Philly queers who are at every damn West Philly queer thing lol.

Anyway, they turned the lights on at like 1:50 - lame! But Linda invited me and Kim (Jessye had crapped out long ago) back to her apartment to keep drinking. So we shot the shit - as best we could, being most of us fairly smashed - and listened to music and Linda opened like 3 bottles of wine and poured us some absinthe. Eventually, Rachel passed out sitting in her chair, and Alyssa gave me a ride back to Kim's place. And OMG! You remember how we made each other mix CDs way back when? Well she had mine in her car stereo! LOL! And we just kept drunk babbling about how awesome we each think the other one is, and she was talking about how if Rachel ended up moving out, she wants me to be her roommate. I was just like, hell yeah! Maybe I won't end up living in my parents house forever! Haha. And it's even something I can start thinking about when I get bumped to full time.

Anyway, I seem to have written you something of an encyclopedia here. I guess that's what I get for not writing all week. Nothing much is up in other news. I continue to be doing well with my diet and exercise routine, although that, too, will be much easier when I have a regular work schedule (be still my heart!). I hope things are going well with you, after you rightly decided to spit that shit out after the date, lol. Any new adventures? Mischief? Holla back bro!

Things are looking up in the City of Brotherly Love,

-Bito

My horrible date, for your entertainment

2009-09-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

Hey Allyn,

I met with the e-mail girl from the club I told you about the other day. We met for dinner on Saturday, and nothing became of it-was my view.

I didn't remember what she looked like, but from her e-mail I thought we'd at least have things in common to talk about. She is 28 from South Africa and had studied philosophy and journalism. I thought we could talk about philosophy etc. lol.

At dinner, she asked me questions non-stop and gave me the looks. Sort of like an endearing stare. Which would have been sweet in a different situation, but was very freaky on a first date. She had also said that when she saw me at the club last week, she thought that I had a "Fuck all, I don't care" kinda atmosphere and very much like Shane from the L word. and that that was very hot and sexy. hahaha!! Then it was getting pretty late, so she asked me if I had any plans later. I wanted to go to this gay bar called Frenzy, coz I'm friends with the owner I just wanted to say hi. Of course I asked her if she wanted to join me for a drink. Manners right?

I also stated that I had to catch the last train so don't intend stay so long. Then she said her gay friends were going to a costume karaoke place and she wasn't sure if she wanted to go coz they'd stay out all night. She asked if I did karaoke, and I just said no coz I didn't feel like it.

In the most awkward timing, she said, "Or if you want, you can stay at my place."

After I said I have to go home tonight, she suddenly bacame even more awkward and insisted that she pay for dinner because she totaly asked me out. I felt bad so I said of course I'll pay half but she didn' let me. And all through walking her to the station, she was very awkward and jumpy.

I said bye, and went to Frenzy mingling with the gay men. It was all men last night lol. Then I was drunk so became lazy to leave to catch the last train. My friend picked me up at the bar and I smoked this thing called Spice Diamond in his van. It's illegal in the States but sold in Europe and Japan legaly. It's meant to be burned as an incent, but gives the same kinda high as mj when smoked lol. Stopped at another bar and went home.

Sunday, at about noon I wake up. Still lying in bed I see that I have a text message from the girl that read:

"dear keiko

last night was the worst date of my life-not because it was with a woman,but because it felt like i was with the most typical self-absorbed, narcissistic man

ok-so you were clearly not attracted to me-perhaps i was too "fem" for you(or whatever else?) but do you know that the whole night you only asked me 1 question-how long hav u been in japan?

to be honest, i thought your shoes were ugly and i hav a policy not to date smokers (only realized when we met u were one) ...but i still had the manners to engage with you and well try get to know the keiko beyond the unhealthy habit and bad taste in shoes!

i have never left a date feeling so unrecognisedand so insignificant as i did last night-i guess drained would be the right word... i used to think that it was only men who could spend the whole night talking about themselves-without reciprocating a single question. clearly i was wrong.
that you identify yourself as a "butch" lesbian -was not a problem for me-you still manage to be really hot and sexy...but i think its a pity that you have also taken on the qualities that make men so undesirable. last night i wanted to go on a date with a woman but it felt like i was on a date with a man (of the worst kind)

i guess i came to this date with unrealistic expectations...well... i thought that if there werent a mutual attraction (which clearly there wasnt) at least we could still be friends...intellectually i find you fascinating and we seem to have some common interests ... however i already have so many "i-specialists" in my life here...it would be unhealthy to add another one.

i am sorry and disappointed that it didnt work out and i hope the next person you meet you wont judge so quickly.
there is so much more to me than you allowed yourself to see.

anyway-all the best-i hope we both find what we are looking for...
take care

nevenka"

At first I was like huh? and then realized that I must have obviously shown my disinterest in her. I was speechless! I seriously felt bad that this woman was so upset. At the same time I was glad that she brought it to my attention. But then when I was writing a response, I was like this woman crazy! So my response was as below:

"thank you nevenka.for last night and for ur comments.

i have never been judged so harshly in my life.i am sincerely sorry that u felt all that negativity.you are a beautiful woman w an interesting background.a free spirit.confident and comfortable in ur own skin.

to b honest, i did not feel comfortable at all.i tried to act like i was.and just talked about myself.

but i was not judging u.and did not realize that u were judgin me in n out.im glad i did not go home w u.if i made u feel unrecognized and so insignificant, why did u offer me to stay w u? just to feel worse?

i appreciate ur comment.those r ur words not mine.and surely wil not b a part of me.but i take it as a bad review and u r a harsh judge.

at least i will not blame the other person for a bad date..

i expect not to hear from u.

i would say hi if i ever run into u.

bye

keiko"

It occured to me that clearly this woman have insecurity issues. So I thought that I should write something nice, although somethings she said were like kinda stuck up. and what the fuck she mean by too "fem"!!? Why would I not like her because of that? lol. And I did not say anything about butch lesbian... lol, she fuckin categorized me. that really pissed me off. and then my shoes lol! I was wearing Tims... some people may think they are ugly boots but I like them so she can piss off. I felt no mercy by this time. Too bad it was a bad date but I have no mercy for a self-pittiful person and especially one who wants to blame it on others.

What do you think bro? So much for tasting new food ey? hahaha. Man, people can be craaaaazy right? I just wanted to share this with you. I know you'd be entertained! :)

"dear keiko

i am sincerely sorry for sending that email and when i woke up this morning and realised what i had said-i was so embarrassed at how impulsive and nasty i was. please know that it was out of character for me and am ashamed at how cutting my comments were...there is no excuse for my email but please know that i was incredibly upset last night...i have been going through a very difficult stage,trying to explore something in me, trying to be authentic and i feel so alone, alienated, scared and confused. so confused... and i had these ridiculous expectations that last night would clarify everything for me, that what im feeling would suddenly make sense...instead i left feeling absolutely broken and more confused and scared than ever...

dont worry, i doubt thatour paths will cross again soon-im not planning on haning out in doyama again-i dont think i belong or perhaps im just not ready...but if we do ever bump into eachother i will of course say hi...im so sorry for dragging u into my dark world and for making my problem yours!

its not necessary to reply to this email...too much has been said and too much damage has been done.

im really sorry.

good bye and take care

nevenka"

So that was my date this weekend... anything good on your end?

Peace and Love,

k

ps. sorry i know i already sent this to you like last night but thought it's pretty blog-worthy lol!

I'm rich, bitch!

2009-09-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

Well, not really but I did get promoted to fucking FULL TIME today!! What?!? I'm finally at the place in my career that you were at more than a year ago - lol. So go me.

The promotion won't kick in till the end of the month, when we start running beta sites for our new Canadian markets. Yeah, "beta" meaning I get to report on Canadian traffic for a whole month before our clients start using the information. A whole month - no consequences. Which would be super-amazing if I really felt like there were ever any consequences for slacking off at this job (obvies not).

Plus my diet and increased physical activity goals are going well. I mean we're only a couple weeks in at this point, but it's longer than I've ever gone without giving up on this sort of thing in my life. I even got my ass on the exercise bike this morning BEFORE WORK. WHO AM I???

Haha, so needless to say I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. I was taking a cigarette break and thinking to myself "this time next year, I'm gonna be skinny and rich!" ...neither of which is really true of course, probably closer to "next time this year I'll be a curtain of sagging skin and won't default on my loans!"

But, you know, better than fat and poor! LOL. Tomorrow night I'm going to a queer dance party at Elena's bar at 49th and Baltimore. You know the story - same dykes, different day. But at least I'll be with my people and I'll get to dance. Did I mention I went the whole summer without getting crunk and dancing? WTF is that? Unacceptable is what. So tomorrow I party.

I'll post more after the weekend - about the party and whatnot - and also transcribe that old letter I wrote you last Thanksgiving (but never sent - my bad!).

-Don Bito

PS - I feel pretty over the whole P thing. I'm just going stir-crazy, sex-wise. Hardly a surprise. Glad to have you to vent with for 5 hours on FB chat!

I'll move to Paris shoot some heroin and fuck with the stars

2009-09-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

Brotherly Love,

It's so good to hear from you.
Un-fuckin-blievably good!
Let me just start out by saying that I have couple pages of letter I meant to send around your B-day....And just that I always think about you.
In my mind, I'm always telling you about my day, weekend, happnenings, episodes.

I cannot blieve a year, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes have passed. That we actually let that much time pass by between us? Thank you for initiating to write again! I just want to say I think about you, about Philly, about 1722, and the roof so much. In my free time, that's all I think about lol. And the future of course.

I want to visit Philly so much. And it may sound bad, but I'm probably not going to be able to visit this fall... or even within year 2009 seems difficult right now. Let me explain.

I am at the same company, and getting used to the way things work around here. Basically I got bored... lol! Coz I was starting to get arrogant, like thinking I'm better than some people at work. And getting bored with the way people trying to limit me, and make me think like I'm wrong coz they've been working longer etc. So I was getting really angry, and was using ya know our favorite substance. Then I just had the crazy idea to change departments. So currently I am in the transition from client services to claims department. I got tired of the environment I was in, so looked to change it, and found the way lol. I don't know yet as I'm only in transition but I'll be dealing with, hopefully, more variety of medical conditions vs. listening to people complain and trying to please the ones (a.holes!) who complain. there are people out there who does not quit until they get what they want, and their demands are like ridiculous. like hiddiously stupid and unrealistic. So I said that's enough of that... and not that it's gna go away if I changed deparments... but at least I'll be dealing it from a different angel, and different position. I just want to be put in a situation where I have to learn medical conditions and terms.

At the moment I have a lot of shit to get done. Training the new 'keiko' to be at client services, and getting myself trained at claims. I find trainging other people the hardest. I've failed twice already. Well, they both were basically not hired after their trial period so I feel it's partially not so grand training on my part and others. I found it difficult to teach people older than me. But third times a charm, I think this time there is a chemistry and a very qualified person. All this pressure coz I thought changing departments a good idea lol. I really hope so.

Anyways, this is why I am kind of trapped for the next couple months. Really have to fill into the new job, and then I can take some time off I think... well, I will. So X'mas I want to take my first vacation, and my mom has been nagging me about going back to Thailand. I haven't visited since 2000, so I think it will be really good and December is a good time to go to a warm place. If I take couple days off in Dec. I think I can take about 10days to visit the states in March.

I hate to extend since I have been looking forward to go back for sooo long. I think this is the best plan right now tho. Are you still putting some money away for Amsterdam?? I basically work my ass off and save most of my money. Paying some to my parents, and spend on going out. Recently I have invested on being a member of a boxing gym and traingin 3-4 days a week! It's really awesome. I joined in June, and at first went like once a week on saturdays after teaching at school. Then July and August I have been going like almost everyday! I find it really helps me with my anger and stress. I punch everything out on the sand bag! I am properly addicted. Even watch it on youtube, like short boxing lessons clips and women's pro bxoing is hard core! lol It hurts my knuckles n hands rightly bust up now n then but I feel amazing after training! Soaked in sweat and adrenaline pumpin! hahaha

Boxing is my new adventure:) trying to eat healthy again too. Much less alcohol! yeah, so haven't been going out much and not meeting anyone intersting in that way. Meeting many pretty girls here and there, straight and bi. I guess that's my type...? either straight or bi. Not like meeting and always fucking, just meeting. I had an English shaggin buddy over the summer. Got bored so wining down and keepin less in touch but probably will be bumping into eachother now and then. Definitely not looking for a relationship right now. I don't think I can put myself in one anytime soon lol.

There was the girl from high school that suddenly contacted me on facebook. But she needed so much attention, I couldn't give. Never went out seriously just here and there, and knew she always had someone. Like multiple guys. She seems to like the abusive type too, so now she's with a guy who hits her when he gets jealous and angry. He got angry that she was with me and our other friend(!), when she was suppose to meet him lol. We weren't even fucking at that point. He ordered her not to ever see me or contact me and she changed her phone etc. so we are no longer in touch. I could say something on facebook but really don't feel like saying anything at this point. She's just not the type to be trusted, at this point in her life at least. I hope she's happy lol.

Some newly befriended friends, who I met through the crazy girl mentioned above, threw a belated bday party for me last weekend. It was also a bikini party where only myself and the organizer of bikini party was wearing bikinis lol! Anyways, I don't know if you can see my friends album I am tagged in few photos, that's just some of the things I get into. An then hanging out with my boss. The big boss is a Canadian guy, and he is really cool. You'd like him too!

So sad to hear you had to give up your room, and 1722. The roof. But I am happy to hear moving back is going well!! I sometimes can't believe that I am still at my rents, but I am!! And saving a whole bunch that way! But having to commute like hell. When I go to boxing gym after work, I get home at like 11, 12 and have dinner. I know that's like not good diet and I snack on yogurt and protein bar on the way home, but starving by the time I'm home. I've been sick this whole week, so haven't been in the gym at all. I have to go tomorrow, otherwise I'm going mental!

Alright, will write more later! Can you give me the blog password again to this address?

I can't access fb at home! lol

Peace,

k

P.S. I just love that line from Time to Pretend by MGMT lol. I thought it's good idea to stcik with lines from a song for titles.

why you act dumb like uhhh..duhhh

2009-09-02T00:03:00.000-07:00

K,

Aaaah! I miss this blog! I realized this when I got bored at work about 2 hours ago and started reading the whole thing from the beginning, lol. Getting to hear from you and knowing what was going on in your life from the blog - well, it may not compare to smoking under our tree, listening to your stories of adventures past - but it has to be the next best thing.

When I go to write it down it feels like so much has been happening! Even though most days I just feel like I'm sitting around waiting for something to happen. But that's not doing justice to my life, and to my summer.

I'm still working at Traffic, even though my hours got cut in half back in April when they laid off half the department. It's been pretty cool, though, because I applied for partial unemployment so good old Uncle Sam has been kicking in (even an extra $50 because of the "economic stimulus package") and I'm making not much less than I was when I was working 40 hours a week...plus I'm not fucking working 40 hours a week!! haha. But actually, just yesterday I interviewed for a full-time position here (the same one i interviewed for in April right before the shitstorm hit) and my boss told me that as far as she's concerned, someone would have to knock me out of a spot in order for me not to get the job. So that sounds good! Although as I told Ste, it's not as if my hopes even have the energy to get up anymore, lol. So with a little luck soon I'll be all full-time and legit and shit.

I've also been talking endlessly about how I'm applying to grad schools for Fall 2010 (for an English PhD) but so far I haven't actually taken any steps toward doing that except figuring out which schools I like. You know I'm a slacker, damn!

Anyway, in more amusing topics...Ste and I went on a road trip to see Rich this summer! I almost couldn't believe I convinced Ste to take 10 days off even as we lit up the j driving through Washngton, DC at dawn! lol. We took a half with us this time and spent much time in Rich's room chillaxin and listening to awesome music or floating in his pool.

But we also took a 3-day trip to Charleston and Savannah and hit up the beaches and gay bars of the South! The Savannah beach was so amazing, man...the water was warm and calm and there were pelicans overhead and even a pod of dolphins swimming only 50 feet out from us! And Charleston and Savannah are just the most charming little towns you could imagine...in Charleston we bought coffee from a shop where these two hippies were sitting playing strange instruments (one of them was just scratching at a pizza box with this little wire thing - it was weird but so much fun)and in Savannah we chased each other through the streets, splashing through sprinklers on the lawns and jumping up to grab the Spanish moss out of the trees...

The trip was a blast, and I was sad to be back, especially since being back meant dealing with all of the moving-out shit. All told, it wasn't too bad...Stephen's new "family" (the older couple he's living with in Sellersville) helped me move my furniture EXTREMELY cheaply in their trailer. They're nice people, and they love me because I can mock Stephen even better than they can lol. But still, it was a sad time having to leave my room (my beautiful room!) and our roof (our beautiful, amazing roof!!) and move in with my parents.

Still, so far I've been getting along with the fam better than I would've thought at the beginning of all of this. In particular, my brother and I have had suspiciously few disagreements and have actually become quite chummy. No doubt this is in part due to our mutual interest in mota haha. We did spend much of the summer smoking and conversating in the backyard, or playing this board game called Settlers of Catan that I became obsessed with.

We also had the company of one of Alex's friends, Phoebe, this baby dyke who lived with us for the summer (since she had to move out of the house she was in, but left at the end of August to study in Tokyo, so she only needed a place to crash for a couple months, and our guest room was free after I moved in officially.) And predictably my unflagging ability to develop an attraction to the most convenient possible person kicked in and I developed something of a crush on her.

You're actually the first person I will have told about this, assuming you read it. What with my history of letting closeness turn into unrequited feelings turn into obsessions, I've become pretty mistrustful of my own feelings. Still, it was nice to have feelings for someone at all, considering the last person I was seriously interested in was Jessye (weird!) and that was, what, 2 years ago? I've become quite an emotional hermit. Out of necessity, I sometimes think.

Anyway, I don't know where the crush thing came from since she's not really my type - at all, in fact - and she's kind of quiet and withdrawn and hard to get to know. I guess my romantic side just got damn bored after a while lol. And I say things like that to myself, and then I wonder if I'm just repressing how I actually feel? I don't fucking know! I swear, I bore myself, lol. And I don't know why I've found it so hard to talk to anyone else about it. I'm worried I'll bore them, too!

Ugh! I miss you! I miss having you as a confidant, as a bad influence, and as someone to influence badly. Remember when we were still in Queer Theory, and we used to sit in the Tech Center while Brit was in class and just talk and joke around? We had so many good fucking times man!

Anyway, I didn't mean to bore you with all of this, lol. But I would love to hear from you more, and I'd be lying if I said I couldn't use the motivation to write more often. Hope things are well in Japan...tell me everything! You still living with the rents? Seeing anybody? Planning a trip stateside? Or to Amsterdam?

Brotherly Love,

-Bito

PS - Unclear what the title has to do with anything...it was just the Missy Elliot lyric that popped in my head when I started writing lol.

2008-08-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

Bito,

So waht's up? If I don't blog, you don't?? just kidding. It's been too long, I apologize. I really don't know where to begin... so much has happened since June right?

How's your summer? I had a hell of a summer. Past tense coz I'm about ready for the next season ;-P There's a Raggae event at the beach on the 31st and that's the end of Summer for me. This year, I told myself I'm gna make everyday my bday party! lol. So it's been an amazing month.

I went to see Alicia Keys and Coldplay on my bday after partying all night. Oh and last weekend, I slept 24 hours straight! Can u believe it? I kinda still don't. But it's the truth. lol

I went to the beach and then went to a pretty famous S&M bar to see Vivian... she tours the world and is really big in the S&M world. Which I just recently got introduced to lol. Don't worry, it's not so crazy as you may imagine...but then again who knows, coz my standards are kinda off. And then went to a "happening" bar... got home like 8am and went to sleep until 8am the next day. I had plans in the evening with people from work... so when I woke up I had a msg from Sexy Mama, and I replied asking where exactly we were meeting. She said, "No Keiko, that was yesterday." lol.

So you keeping the job? School's starting soon? R u excited? I envy that you're going back to school! Tell me what's new with you?

I'll try to write more often bro in small volumes. I always end up not bloggin coz I think of all the things I wanna tell you and just never have the time to sit at a computer besides when I'm at work, working. . .

-K

friday off

2008-06-21T18:11:00.000-07:00

K,

You right! I have been a blog slacker! We gotta get back in the habit...Unfortunately I've let a lot of things fall by the wayside these days what with working all the damn time! I expect it's the same with you...

A couple weeks ago my bank account got broken into - someone cashed a fraudulent check. Fortunately they were rally stupid about it...the check number they used was one I'd already cashed so I had an electronic copy of it to prove the new one wasnt mine. They also used the check to pay a huge fuckin comcast bill - more than $600 - so of course comcast knows who it is that comitted the fraud because the used their account number.

But of course even though I got the money back right away (including the 2 overdraft fees from when a) the check bounced and I called them and told them what happened and b) when they honored the check the next day anyway) there are still all of these inconveniences...for instance, they had to change my account number so I wouldn't get stolen from again - so I got a 3rd fucking overdraft fee when they charged me for new checks and I didnt have any money in my checking account because I'd had to move it all to savings so IT WOULDN'T GET FUCKING STOLEN. Plus, my direct deposit bounced and I didn't get paid yet, so I had to borrow even MORE money from my dad to pay this month's rent.

That was on top of my parents paying for my car inspection because he had to replace my front brakes - so that's what I ended up getting for my birthday instead of money for a trip to see Rich...needless to say I had something of a finance-related breakdown...it just feels shitty to be working all the time and still feel like I don't have enough money to get by.

*sigh* - On the plus side, betweent the car inspection and covering Stephen's rent this month I've pretty much paid back all the money I owe him - not that that will matter if he doesn't have a job to pay the rent next month. It's definitely my turn to be his safety net. Also, I told Fred you and Cheryl "wouldn't be staying once the lease was up" and all that needs to happen now is for Ste and Althea (new roommate - did I tell you? long story short, she's a dyke fashion design major at Moore, went to my high school a year after I graduated - Stephen doesn't like the notes she leaves us but the house is cleaner and we get along just fine) to go in and take care of their credit checks. I was so relieved that he didn't ask to see or talk to you guys and he didn't give me any trouble. You know I'm no good at lying haha.

And with any luck - by which I mean if Ste gets a job (he has an interview at Temple next week) - I should be able to completely pay off my dad by the end of next month. Which isn't to say I'll even be making enough money to pick up my own loan payments. Or have health insurance. In the meantime, I really should start looking for a different job - even if I make less money but work in the city it might balance out - gas is so expensive here now and work is so far away I spend upwards of $200 a month on gas.

Anyway, sorry to bore you with all these economics! I guess in part I was hoping to excuse myself for not blogging more, haha. It sucks not having you around to shoot the shit with on a regular basis...so now I'll get to the fun stuff.

So it's true we were very grateful to have Emilia around if only for a day! We picked her up at the airport from her much-delayed flight on a Thursday around 11 and went straight up to Paola's to smoke and chat. Emilia brought us these Mexican lollipops from Texas that were pinapple with chili powder in them - OMG dude. Best lollipops ever, you would have loved them! When we got home we talked a bit more but Emilia was tired from her flight of course and has stuff to do the next day. I hardly got to see her at all on Friday, since I had to leave for work around 6:30 and I didn't wake up till 3 or 4, plus she had to be out taking care of things...so the only other time we spent together was Saturday morning when she and Ste and I smoked and chatted a bit before taking her to the airport for her 7 am flight. So in spite of my luck at getting to see her at all, maybe you can understand why I wish we'd had some more time!

Me and Stephen got Netflix and we've been voraciously consuming movies, a habit we got into when Zayne was living with us...and Netflix is the perfect choice because we were always wanting to watch movies but getting really bored with the same old selection. Also, in relation to finances - Ste and I quit smoking! We just decided it was too much money every month...with everything else I already have draining my paycheck it's just not worth it...although of course we ended up smoking a bunch yesterday because we went out drinking - more on that -

So now that we're sort of caught up on the goings-on I can get to last night - the first Friday night I've had off since I've started my job (the first weekend night at all, for that matter). When I saw I had off I informed Liz and the boy that we were going drinking and later got Gaja on board, although Jessye was non-comittal. So last night we met up and drank a bottle of Smirnoff at 1722 before heading out to Tattooed Mom's where we shot the shit and drank beer (me and Mike did a couple shots) and smoked in the bumper cars. When we got bored we walked to Sugar Mom's and drank and smoked some more, and incidentally ran into Jessye who was drinking and smoking with her OTHER friends, lol.

Around 1 Liz and the boy checked out and me and Gaja played some bubble hockey. We were about ready to head out, so we left the bar to walk Gaja home and said goodbye to Jessye on the way out - she had been unsuccessfully trying to make out with some boy out front of the bar - but on our way toward Gaja's place she said we should go to another bar, National Mechanics. I'd never been there but it was really cool, it's in an old building with big marble steps and columns out front, and inside it's really big, but cozy and relaxed with a fake fireplace at one end. We had a couple more beers and ran into Mike Ginda before they closed up and we walked Gaja home. We caught a cab toward home, too, but decided ahlfway there that we wanted Lil Pete's instead - typical! I had a Rueben which I'm happy to report I did NOT see again the next morning, though how I managed that with a bellyful of beer and a chocolate milkshake, I'll never know...

We also got like 8 packs of Camels for free from the cigarette people, and I drunkenly shoved all of them down sewer grates on our way home so that we wouldn't give up on quitting, haha - and I guess it worked, I haven't smoke today, and don't really crave it seeing as I went without smoking 5 out of 7 days last week. So I feel pretty good about it!

How is life where you are? I certainly deserve an earful after this epic entry lol.

-Bito.

A Lil' Burned Out...

2008-06-01T02:58:00.000-07:00

Bito,

We definitely don't have anyone playing games on the computer... I mean I don't think it's just about nationality. I would think I'm allowed to goof around if I have the time. We just don't have enuf people. I even feel guilty to go to the bathroom or to take a drag on the balcony... this is how I think... I just went to the bathroom an hour ago so I'll wait another hour to smoke. lol. There was one other person who joined the company the same day I did... but she quit after a month. She couldn't blend in, is what I think why she left. But of course, she said health insurance is not the industry she wants to be in... So I was left to do all the work we have been sharing by myself! lol. Of course everyone else helped me out, but I also started to answer the phone calls and got access to company e-mails. It is interesting to talk to the customers... but at the same time, I forget the task at hand and get mixed up etc.

We should do the study anyhow!!! lol I am always up for experiments, getting to the truth, and proving a point!!! as u may already know;)

This might be interesting to know... we never goof off to play games but we do joke around all the time. Sometimes we get carried away, like laughin till I'm all tears n then have to answer the phone lol. So many sexual jokes too... I just wish u could c my work environment.

One time Sexy Mama came around my desk while I was speakin on the phone, and looking something up on computer and as soon as I felt she was in my zone I started sweating. She is the manager so she gta know how I'm doing etc. I think that's why she comes around sometimes, but every time she comes around I get really hot! So I told her, and she acted like she was hurt. The other two ladies came around my desk and it got cooler... I don't have an explanation but it's the truth. So I just say it's coz she's hot, n I feel like she comes around more often. lol. So we are hard workers but a buncha silly goof balls as well.

So it's Sunday, my only day off... I ain't even slightly Christian but oh well. Caught up on some TV shows... fuckin chillax, sleep!!! have a Kilkenny etc.

It's so funny when you're busy n working, more people want to meet you. But I can't be meeting up w friends everyday, so I've been tryna meet up w my friend Soo for like a month and we just can't find a time that's good for both of us. And we're in the same city! it's ridiculous.

But I just can't get myself to go out on Sunday... I need rest.

This other lady at work, let's call her kira (she looks like Kira Knightly if she was Japanese). So Kira works at a Foreigner's hang-out bar on Friday nights. We finished work relatively early last Friday so I hopped on the back of Sexy Mama's bicycle, and she peddled for a good 10 min. We had to stop when we hit rush hour of pedestrians. But thanks to idiot old man not watching where he's goin, we almost fell, which gave me a chance to catch her. lol!!! hahaha I am so sick minded!!! Seriously all the time I was on the back of her bike, I need to grab on to her... and smell her hair... and then hear her panting. Oh joyous torture... I know I'm sick... that's ok lol.

So we went to the bar Kira works at... n said we were gna just have a happy hour drink. but of course ended up stayin until Kira got off.

Oh and last Tuesday... I received a phone call from a customer and he wanted to talk to my boss (not Sexy Mama but the one who looks like my x bf lol!) but he's on a business trip (again). Then I realized I've spoken to the customer's wife so I tried my best to help him. I hung up the phone saying I will get the quotation for the plans he requested n fax it to him. And then I had troubles with the computers n how to use Excel... lol. I have a Mac n Windows on my desk n used it pretty much simultaneously... n since the Mac used to belong to my x-look-alike-boss, we share certain programs like word n excel coz it's licensed to him. Anyways it's boring so basically we have major computer issues. The lack of compatibility, I guess. We have brand new Macs to be set up so we wont have nemore compatibility issues... but the new Macs been sitting in the back of the conference room for a whole month. So really we don't have enuf people lol.

Anyhow, so I went to Sexy Mama coz I was having difficulties with excel... n then I learned there are different numbers to calculate. So when I noticed it was just me and Sexy mama in the office, everyone else had gone home. I really wanted to fax it to the guy that day, n Sexy Mama said she'd stay if I wanted to finish what I was doing. But I was too tired n confused about the calculation, I tried to do it but then thought that I was not able to concentrate under so much pressure... Sexy Mama finished her work n was waiting for me to finish... n then the thought of being alone w her in the office ... panick!!! lol. OMG am I pathetic or what?! lol

Last saturday I was in Kyoto with Naomi and telling her about work. I haven't seen her since I started the job so we had a lot to catch up. Anyways, she told me that she was so happy to hear my work place is enjoyable and that I sound optimistic and more like myself. I was telling her about Sexy Mama, and Naomi was like whao she must be enjoying all the attention especially if she's 38 n single. lol. I said I can so go out with some one 15 yrs older than me, it depends on the person. N then I told her... at Saturday School I have students like around 10 years old n I'm thinking she would grow up to be a beautiful lady... in 10 years she'll be 20 n I'll be 33. It's a possibility, I would go out w a 20 yr old when I'm over 30. Life is wonderful!!! She cracked up, n she was like that is so Keiko. That's why I love you.

So I have been checkin out cute girls...literally. But actually found a cute girl my age workin at Sat School. First I gta find out what her name is... lol!!!! I never paid attention coz I actually have to look at the kids... but she fainally caught my eye several weeks after school's started.

But yesterday I found out that my friend P (who is also a teacher at Sat School) used to be her English teacher... I'm guessin in highschool, but it could be Jr high. Jeez I hope she's not uber young lol. anywho... just a lil fun to look forward to on Saturdays.

I went to a Belly Dance Performance last night after school w P and D. My friend's sister has been doing belly dance for about 3 years now n they were having a huge show w live music!!! OMG the music reminded me of Mimi when we'd get high and she'd start dancing on the table! do you remember? that was super hot.... anyways, the show was awesome. Semi-naked girls dancing on stage... my friend P said she felt like she was watching soft porn lol!!! It was a weird feeling to see my friend's sister so sexy... all I could think was imagining Sexy Mama dancing in those costumes. Not because I'm just perverted n obsessed... but because she said she takes belly dance classes on Saturdays as well. lol!!!

Alright bro, I'll stop here. Hope I didnt bore you with obsessin bout my boss. U know how I get when I have a mind on a chic... remember Jill/Sexy? hahaha

Oh is there any Indonesian restaurants in Philly? Bali-style restaurants? If there are any... u should check it out.

Planning a vacation that's gna b far in the future.... meanwhile workin my ass off....

-K

PS: I am proud of your hiking journey. It made me wanna hike too. Only hopefully not too far from civilized and somewhat hygiene toilets... lol.

working stiff

2008-05-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

K,

So much has been happening, but right now so little of it seems post-worthy.

I started my job, training last Thursday, worked 3 days 10am-4pm at the training, spent 2 nights 7:30pm-midnight shadowing people - well, actually, on Tuesday they stuck me with Cleveland/Columbus/Cincinnati, so I guess technically I actually wasn't shadowing that night. At first I was really hype about trying to get things into the system, refreshing the CAD pages (where the incident reports pop up) constantly and fretting about whether I missed anything on the police scanners. Then I looked around at people playing scrabble and goofing off on facebook, and just decided that maybe I shouldn't be taking this quite as seriously.

So, my job must be the opposite of yours, lol. We should do some kind of impromptu study into the differences in feelings of accountability and corporate loyalty in Japan vs. America! Haha, but for now at least maybe you can understand why I expect office workers to be goofing off all the time.

Over the weekend, Kim and her friend Talia dragged me 3 hours up to the Delaware water gap, where we hiked four miles up the Appalachian trail with giant packs on our backs to a backpackers' campsite. The trail was rocky as shit, and all uphill on the way in, pretty steep in places. I thought for sure that I would be straggling behind and gasping for breath since, unlike Kim, I haven't dropped 35 pounds hitting the gym everyday for the past months and, unlike Talia, I am not 'bout the size of a button and hiking a trail I've hiked a dozen times before.

You would have been impressed with me, Keiks. Someone told Kim that an experienced Hiker could make the four miles in an hour, and if you were really out of shape you might take four hours. We did it in only 2 hours, with a break for lunch!I was fucking killin' it, man. When you first start out, you get winded easily and I took a few breaks after the first few big hills. But once I got into a pace, I was fucking unstoppable. A lot of times I had to pause and wait up for Talia and Kim.

When we got to the campsite, we pitched our tents on this platform right on the side of the mountain with a view of the whole damn valley - it was gorgeous. Then we hiked out to the nearby pond where we got some extra water from a stream and Talia treated it with iodine, in which we would later boil our dinner (some kind of Indian-like pureed spinach with curry cheese and wild rice from TJ's that came in boiling pouches. Delish!) At the pond, we climbed up onto a cliff with a killer view and played Uno and Egyptian ratfuck (which I've been obsessed with since I learned it at my birthday party.)

That night, Talia and Kim took a walk on the trail to warm up before bed and I laid on our platform and watched the stars come out.

On the downside, I didn't get the hang of copping a squat to piss right away, the outhouse I had to shit in was like a one-room hell, and Kim surmises that that might be where I picked up the three deer ticks that were feasting on my blood when we got home the next day. More later on whether or not I have lyme disease. Also, I slept about a wink that night. I don't do well without an actual bed and pillow. Kim says maybe next time we can hike to a hotel.

But overall, inspite of the bruises from repeatedly twisting my ankles and falling on the campground (though not once on the trail) and the tick's head still embedded in my thigh, I hiked 8 fucking miles of rough trail in two days and I am so proud of myself.

Tonight I start my first 8 hour shift at work. I hope I can survive the boredom and overwhelming sense of hopelessness that is sure to overcome me after about the fourth hour of being stuck in that florescent-lighted room of buzzing police scanners and ennui, when I realize I'm only halfway done. My friend Roberta, who I worked with at the Franklin Institute, and who I just found out works there, too, says people fall asleep at their desks all the time. She's also been posting bulletins on Myspace for months before I even started working about how she hates the job.

Wish me luck, and for the love of god, dude, show up on facebook sometime between 8pm and 4am my time. On the flipside,

-Bito

Ladykiller

2008-05-06T01:21:00.000-07:00

Bito,

Man I miss stumbling around the city of Philadelphia drunk w u!!! and not knowing how u and stephen made it home before me and jessye when we were power walkin to get to mota first!!! lol!!! Ahahaha good fuckin times yo.

I'm glad u had a blastful Sunday OUT!! I had a fuckin awesome night as well, but a strange night. I was not drunk. Aite let's call this girl, Monica lol. We met up and went to a random restaurant that I had made a reservation coz she was comin back from Tokyo n it's usually a 15 ~30min wait here on wkends n holidays. I had picked the place out according to her request re: a dark place, coz if it's too bright it's hard to relax. lol. So the food n drinks were aite, but the mood was perfect I guess:) U don't understand how weird it was to meet up w her at first, n talking about highschool. But everything was just right, like we were reacquainting w eachother n we like hit it off.

Then she called her friend to find out where the lesbian bars are at. Apparently we were right in the gayborhood lol. So we literally went next door n found a lesbian bar. Had a drink and had everyone staring at us... and we were just saying shit in English like "Let's just go after this drink... did we come to the wrong place?" Come to think of it I'm thinking, they were just staring at the caucasian girl speaking in Osaka dialect lol.

And we finally made it to the girl party. The place was packed n I would say a productive party for girls to meet... but it's always the music!! is the biggest problem. They play shit u can't dance to... why? Most of the time we were people watching which was a lot of fun. I saw some people I met last month, and they all looked at Monica like I was with a goddess... we got a lot of, "are u guys together?" and she got a lot of, "are u straight?" I was just thinking, can't they think of anything interesting to say? lol. oh well, so we got sick of the music so left at 2 and went to play pool at "Sam&Dave" a typical foreigner's club. They play descent music tho. So we played pool, and she went on the little stage n showed me her pole moves!!! ZOMG, is all I have to say. really.

Anywho I didn't get drunk eventho we were constantly drinking. I just stayed w vodka tonic. I guess it was a good move to go to Sam&Dave where there were mostly guys lol. Coz we kinda just stuck closer together, to chase the guys away hahaha!! But I know I wasn't drunk coz, I was so nervous touchin her. We stayed till 5 n went to grab a bite n got on the train.

So that was briefly my night... I feel like I didn't have much to say about the girl party:( sorry. Had I gone alone, maybe I'd have more to say?

So I took a nap after I got home but forced myself up so I'd be able to sleep tonight so I am so sleepy at the moment. I apologize in advance if this post is crappy lol. There were hilarious dancers on stage at the girl party, I wish u couldve been there to see them!! lol

I hope this suffices for ur tit. lol

love,

-K

PS: Kim, i love mushi cakes too!!! hahaha fyi, she looks like a white woman but is pretty japanese inside:) interesting, isn't it?

queer stampede

2008-05-05T13:01:00.001-07:00

K,

I wanna know about the girlparty! I miss those days at Sal's...

Yesterday I was feeling mucho apathetic about life, but it was Sunday OUT, the last day of equality forum and I turned to Ste and informed him that we owed it to ourselves to go mingle with the other queers. Then I called Sofie and told her the same thing. Then I took the two bottles of Nantucket Nectars left by Zayne's crew the night before, dumped them out halfway, and refilled them with the vodka left by same crew.

That's how we found ourselves sitting on a curb at 4th and Market at 4 in the afternoon, trashed and judging people's fashion choices. And staring at the infamous fag hag girl in the black dress with the great body. "Oh, black dress!" <---Quote of the day

Where it gets fuzzy is how, after a slice at SOHO, we ended up doing kamikaze shots and more drinks at TOC (hithertofore to be referred to by Sofie's apt nickname, "Tired Old Queers: The Bar," or "TOQ.") and then stumbling over to Sister's. Shit was hoppin yesterday! At some point I was boycotting one of their shitty DJ's shitty songs, just leaning up on the speaker and this chick comes up and is like "Why aren't you dancing?"and I told her I was boycotting the song, but then she like, FORCED me to dance with her...then she told me I couldn't dance and I told her that was fucked up and then her other friend was like "Oh, don't worry, I'll just dance behind you!" Haha and then I was sandwiched. I want to say they were both cute, but honestly between the vodka and the dark dance floor, the only way I recognized the chick when she started talking to me about music at the bar was by the way she smelled.

Later I tripped over someone and it turned out to be Shalimar. (I fell on my ass but didn't spill a drop of my beer - that's talent.) I was too drunk to remember that I don't like Shalimar so I was all "Hey, long time no see!" Haha, and then this morning I remembered she used to grab my gf's ass...dust under the rug now, I guess!

Anyway, long story short, my fucking legs are sore from dancing and my toes are all blistered...it's been a long ass time since I wiled out like that! It was a hella crazy night...so tit for tat, bitch, where are your stories???

-Bito

I can smell excitement!!!

2008-05-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

Bito,

First of all, Happy 23rd Birthday!!! And, congrats on the job!!!! Sounds like you're on your way to grasp many exciting things. Believe it:)

I certainly appreciate ur advice about hooking up w my boss n not. lol

And not to worry, I happen to think it's a really bad idea to sleep w ur boss as well. What's the harm in enjoying a little palpitation during work?? hahaha. It's just amazing how people can take ur breath away sometimes;) and u know what's greater? Is when u know u have the same effect on them.

Anywho...I grabbed sexy mama out for some drinks last week;) She briefly walked me thru her past n how she ended up where she is now. Sake kicked in n I came out to her lol. Just as I expected, she didn't seem surprised. I was going to ask her if she was interested in goin to the girl party w me, but the other girl said she wants to go so I'm gna take the risk.

She told me she's heard all about me in high school... that I kissed Karin etc. I didn't think kissing a girl was a big deal for teenagers lol. She said she doesn't have experiences kissin a girl when she was a teen so she envies me lol... I guess I might have more to talk w her than I imagined. I'm kinda nervous meetin her after all these years. But if this means more friends that I can be open with, I'm happy n excited:)

Half of me is excited coz I think she's hittin on me... but the other half tells me, let's not be too cocky. lol She's definitely a fun girl so it should be a fun night.

So your job, i imagine u can work from home right?? or do u need special equipments? I think the previous science experiements were interesting. Can't wait to hear about traffic reports!! Health insurance is still keeping me interested:) So many interesting customers:) Can't really share but maybe someday over a long island icetea;)

Any road trip plans for the summer?? Since I am living at home, I plan to save 1/3 of my salary every month which is roughly $1000. I think a trip to Amsterdam will happen surely;) Funny thing is no matter how much you make... it is so easy to spend it. I gave 1/3 to my parents n some to my brother... n can't remember what I spent the rest on ... just clothes n drinks. So obviously saving is not my priority this month, but it feels like I can finally breathe.

Hopefully I'll have lots to write about tomorrow night....

Say hi to 1722!!!

-K

P.S. I miss u too Zayne!!! Have a safe trip to Egypt!!!

sorry for the lapse bro!

2008-05-01T06:51:00.000-07:00

K,

Apologies for the lack of blogging - I went from feeling like there wasn't anything to blog about to feeling like there was too much and it was overwhelming. I've been unusually busy (you know, for me, anyway) these past couple weeks.

So I'll start off with some recent news and work back:

1. It's my birfday!!

2. I got a job!! I went on two interviews this week, the second one was yesterday morning, and then yesterday afternoon I got a call from the guy saying they wanted to offer me the job!It's a traffic editor position at traffic.com, which basically means I'm assigned to monitor 3 cities and I listen in on police scanners and watch internet tickers and stuff, then I collate the information and post on the website every 60 seconds. I work nights, about 8pm to 4am and I get $12/hr for the first 4 hours and $15/HR for any time I work between midnight and 6am. Right now they're waiting for my criminal background check to come back and I'll start the next day.

Saturday was my birthday party...I had everyone come up to my rents house to eat and play games...my dad made pulled pork sammiches (SO divine!) and broccoli cholesterol and grilled veggies, and my mom made a red velvet cake. We played some Rock Band and I learned how to play Asshole and Egyptian Ratfuck (card games). Stephen, Zayne and Sofie left early with my brother and I stayed later with Kim, Brian, Jessye, and Brian's brother Danny. Afterwards we had a drink at Dahlak and I stayed at Kim's place.

The night before that, Sofie came over and we started drinking, then Stephen joined in; all told, we drank two bottles of vodka and a magnum of champagne before going to Stephen's room and doing drunken sing-alongs to showtunes while Ste played keyboard. Then me and Sofie started replacing key words with "ass." Example (from "My Fair Lady"):

"I could have assed all night!
I could have assed all night!
And still have begged for ass!
I could have spread my ass!
And done a thousand things!
I've never done with my ass!"

Previous to that, I would call 4/20 a success, though it just couldn't hold a candle to last year...remember laying on the roof for hours with Emilia? And the stinkin' train tracks? Haha, good fuckin times...

Kim's bday party was a success, but due to rain there was no performance of Midsummer...instead, we had the party here at 1722. I was in charge of making punch and I chose to try out a new recipe...a fucking TUB of "Long Island Pink Lemonade." It consisted of a bottle of Sauza Silver tequila, and bottle of Seagram's gin, and bottle of Smirnoff, a bottle of Bacardi, 2 gallons of Wawa lemonade and a bottle of Cranberry Juice. Then we floated frozen berries in it. People kept telling me it was delicious and they were unexpectedly drunk - I was so proud!

Anecdote: In the morning, Brian and I went out, did the grocery shopping, then stopped at Wawa for mixers and because Brian was really hungry. We ate our sammiches in the car outside the liquor store and then I locked my fucking keys in the car...So instead of calling AAA, Brian was like "Well my cousin Kate is driving down, so she can just pick Stephen up and drive the keys down to us." So we wait and wait and we're wondering why it's taking so long for Kate to get to 1722 from 15th and Bainbridge. Then Stephen calls and says "Well she's here, but she doesn't have a car. She took the bus in." And then Brian was like "Oh. right." So we called AAA anyway. LOLZORZ.

The next Friday it was BEautiful out! So me n Ste n Sofie and Brian went to Ocean City. We chilled on the beach, me and Brian built a giant turtle sand sculpture, and then we went to this restaurant and speculated that our waitress, "Currie," was on coke.

Anyway, I've had an eventful few weeks I guess! Sorry again for not posting. Dude, hitting on your boss? 2 thoughts:

1. The MAC machine is BACK!!!
2. Dear god don't sleep with your boss.

Watch out for the other facebook chick, but you know at least she seems to be out or whatever...Always wishing you safety and good luck, lucky child; you've only been home a few months so my advice would be take it easy and don't jump the gun on the hooking up with people anyway...give things time and let them develop and you will know what you should do.

Brotherly Love,

-Bito

Who's the slacker now???

2008-04-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

Bito,

What's been good??? How was Kim's b-day and Midsummer performance?? You don't wanna update me on anything? JK.

So I have a 4 day weekend!! actually it's 3day coz I worked Sat but I got 5day wkend next wk too!!!! isn't it sweet?!!! it's called Golden Week in Japan:) hells yeah! Plus got paid on Fri. I like jumped when I saw my pay check. My 1st salary, and they paid me for the whole month even tho I only worked for 3 weeks. I love my company lol.

The boss took us all out for dinner one night, and lunch at Hard Rock Cafe too. And in May, we are attending a gala coz he bought a table. I'm thinkin, he's fuckin cool!!! It just reminds me of Rachel on Friends!!! when she's trayna play hardball w Danny the Yetty, and also when Phoebe vs Monica Chandler were tryna find her a date lol. Awe classic Friends:)

I have to wear a dress tho lol. I think I'm going to wear a Thai dress. The charity is for Cambodia, but that's close enough lol JK. So the ladies were like talkin about bringing their partner/ date. The almost 40yrs old lady, let's call her sexy mama. She doesn't have a partner at the moment, and of course I'm not gna bring a date, so she was like "Keiko san, should we go as a couple?" LOL!!! I was like, "I guess I could wear a tux if you want me to." She is alwasy teasing me, I have a feeling she sees right thru me...

The other day, we were talking about age difference and I started talkin about how many Asian women look younger than their age, and sexy mama was staring at me so I asked her if I said something wrong. She said, "No no, I just really wanted to listen to what you're saying." She was also staring right at me when I was talking about how I'm attracted to people who are settled and stable lol. When I got tipsy at dinner, I just started blabbin about how attractive I think she is and I even said "You're like shining, you have a beautiful glow," which made her blush lol!!! So to sum it up, I'm flirting w my direct boss!!! lol

I'll let u know if anything interestin happens...that is if u wanna know lol. We exchanged cell# so we can play during our long wkends, but I actually don't know what to do lol.

On the other hand, there's this girl from high school that I hardly ever talked to (she was a year younger and was in soccer but never had any relationship w her beyond school) suddenly messeged me on japanese fb. I made my profile pretty obviously flamin so I could meet lesbians so I'm just wonderin why she's messegin me out of the blue after all these years. She's the kinda girl I can't imagine I'd have anything in common with... n she wants to go drinkin w me. At first I was like excited coz she's pretty hot (caucasian & japanese mix) and she had pix of her on a pole... maybe she's a pole dancer now??? AND maybe she's gay now???
N then I was like wait a minute... what does she want from me????? Remember Alex/Shakira? This girl reminds me of her (physically) lol.
She invited me to some hiphop event tonight...not sure if I'm up for it yet. But when I told her I want to go to Ladykiller, the girl party, she was like "I've been there!!"
Something tells me that I've tasted this poison before... u get me??

Anywho... I'm just trayna stay out of trouble. Please pray for my safety.

Ok bro, your turn. What's up in 1722?

Sending my love,

K

2008-04-12T02:26:00.000-07:00

Bito,

Unfortunately there is no downtime at work. Everyone is a hard worker, and there are many many things to get done. This ain't America bro. I mean if you had health insurance and filed a claim, wouldn't you want it to be processed quickly so you can get your money back? We have to processed claims, applications, and renewals etc. that comes into our office so we can wend it over to New Zealand for assessment etc. We are a really hard working team and we kick ass:) Customer service is superb in Japan... Also, the first three months is like a trial period for me and the company to see if we like eachother.

And I like my team so much, probably because they are hard workers but also just fun to be with. Like on Friday, (I've told you already) my boss popped open wine bottles at 4pm because it's Friday, and also sort of like a bonvoyage type a thing coz he's goin to the Dubai and UK offices for meetings.

Anyways, I just got back from Saturday School with the kids:) Still tryna negotiate a higher pay since I've graduated college and have worked many years with the summer program etc. The guy who manages the salary is new and doesn't speak much English so it's hard to convince a clueless person. The department coordinator and the program director supports me, but I actually gta talk to the general manager...which is difficult because he's never at his office lol. He's basically wackin off...neways enough bout that.

So I've practically ran the whole week. Just got up and went to work 6days straight...and am exhausted, but I feel great! I'm so stoked I get to sleep in tomorrow!!! I really want it to be the end of the month, and meet my first salary!!! lol.

How was your meeting w Drake? I am sure she had lots of good advices for you.

Your science experiments sound interesting! Hey, it's something to do and you're meeting people;)

The ladies at my work are awesome eye candies too lol. Now you can understand why I enjoy learning about insurance so much! hahaha. mmm all I have to say is, it's nice.The oldest lady, the one I met at the bar, said she's almost 40...just right lol. Anyways I gave her a quick back rub and she was like, "Let's do this everyday." I was like anytime lol. Anyways I'm the youngest so they tease me a lot, and I kinda enjoy that.

Man, I'm always talking about work coz that's really all I did this week... but once I get used to it and actually get my salary, I'll make sure I get a life hahaha:)

Let me know how Kim's b-day went!!!

-K

slacker!

2008-04-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

K,

I can only assume at this juncture that you are being a blog slacker because of work/extenuating circumstances. But now that you have, like, an insurance cubicle or whatever it's almost required that you goof off online (read: BLOG) for at least 5 hours of any 8 hour work day. Need I remind you about the time when Chandler opened up an email that said "Nude Pictures of Anna Kournikova," thus releasing a virus into Ross' computer that made everything go black, and losing his keynote speech for the paleontology conference?

Rachel: Oh, this happens to my computer at work all the time.
Ross: Really? What do you do?
Rachel: Well, I usually just go play Tetris on someone else's computer for a while.

See? Even FRIENDS knows that corporate work dynamics require a lot of employee downtime. It's like when Dilbert realized that because he was salaried, his pay was not tied to his work performance, and he kept showing the other employees that he was just twiddling his thumbs.

Dilbert: Do you realize what this means???
Wally: You're getting paid for that!

Anyway, I could drop a steaming load of pop culture references on you, but that would be egregious as the main point I'm trying to drive home is: blog, motherfucker!

Yesterday Stephen and Jessye and I sparkled and drove out to Valley Green which was really quite beautiful but was also crowded because the weather was gorgeous, and apparently it's not too early to be eaten alive by mosquitoes. We listened to Jessye's emo music in the car, and my toe got mutilated by a chunk of glass that somehow found it's way into my sock. Interesting.

Tomorrow is Kim's party; right now I think we're looking at a weather-related postponement of the play performance, and just having the party here at 1722. Well I'll let you know.

I hope my ranting has in some way inspired you (JK),

-Bito

spitting pudding is hard...

2008-04-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

K,

Well I'm in a better place mentally than I was at last post. You know how I adapt and how fast I can get back to being apathetic! I'm meeting with Drake tomorrow to discuss options...who knows? maybe she'll be able to pull some strings for me or at least make some useful suggestions. Though, honestly, I've had a moment to get used to the fact that maybe now is just the time when I start working for the rest of my life? I don't see any reason why I couldn't be happy just finding a job that pays for the bills and my various habits. It's like Loverboy said: "Everybody's working for the weekend" anyway, right?

Haha, I mean insurance is not your future career choice, right? But who knows? Maybe you'll find it tolerable enough and just do it because you can for who knows how long. One thing's for sure, as you said, something needs to change. Maybe when I get a job I'll be able to write again. Procrastination is, after all, the best medicine for writing.

I'm stoked you found a dyke community in Osaka! It must feel good to have been able to connect, especially since whenever I used to talk to you about it you always seemed convinced you wouldn't be able to find a QC in the land of the rising sun...I'm also glad you're finally embracing your "hot mom" leanings! Haha! I think it's clear you needed some sort of change in direction in that respect...maybe you'll find yourself a hot sugar mama and be able to retire early!

Today I bled for science again, and we were switching gears from taste tests to texture, so I was tasting all this milk, pudding and creamy tomato soup. And for the purposes of the test you can't swallow anything, so you taste it, spit it in the sink, and rinse. And let me tell you: pudding? Not as easy to spit as one might think. And the woman I've been testing with is leaving next week to attend her sister's wedding in Peru (where she's from), so I won't see her anymore...I'm a little sad. Although at times it was torturous, I came to enjoy Tuesday mornings with Susanna Finkbeiner. She's just a funny little person. Today I had to wear a noseclip to block my sense of smell so I could focus on the textures, and her boss threw them out. Then she said "Well, some people like to take them home. You know, to show children why they should like their noses."

Oh, Susanna Finkbeiner. You will be missed.

So, the job search continues. A few of the trees here have little baby leaves on them...others have flowers. Some are just starting to bud, you know that little haze of green around the branches? Nothing as spectacular as the cherry blossoms, I'm sure, but it brings that little hope of spring, that things might soon take a turn. And then it can't be too long until summer comes again. April showers or whatever...

-Bito

PS - Listening to Billy Joel. Do yourself a favor and download some. Especially "For the longest time."

The off party

2008-04-05T16:53:00.000-07:00

Bito,

Sorry to hear about the financial aid... there are other ways to get money from Temple or government no?? One thing I learned when getting a job is, you have to do everything now. The moment you remember you gta do it. Can't sit around and wait till last minute like I used to with my assignments. Professors will wait... lol. But we pay them for their knowledge. Anyways, jobs don't wait around for you. They will take the next best person whoever came first. Like "The Tortoise and the Hare."

So yesterday I had an orientation for Saturday School, where we just get ready for when the kids come back nex wk. Afterwards, I went to an "off party" by myself eeeeeeeeeee!!! Rememba I told you I met some lesbians online? Well this one woman organized a party at a izakaya(something like Kenka). It was a 90min all u can drink course with food for 3000yen (which is like $30). I was so nervous coz many people knew each other from the last "off party"... I just sat next to this lady who was sitting by herself (also I saw that she had her cig out so I just wanted to make it a smoking corner lol). The organizer was gorgeous lol! She was young like 27, and hyper-fem like she was wearing a black dress and her hair was all curly sort of like girls you see in magazines. There were like 20 people (many couples too) and everyone was friendly outgoing people!! The lady who also came by herself was 37yrs old and when she found out I was 23 she was so surprised, and said, "If I was 10yrs younger!!" hahaha.

Another woman on my right was also like 32 and she definitely was interested in talking to me, but she was with her girlfriend. They were both cute fem. Anyways she was asking me a buncha questions and I told her I was in Philly for a while then we got to talk about GIA etc... and celebrities we like. She asked me, "So are you looking for a girlfriend now??" ... "Umm, not really.. I just came back, was busy looking for a job, and am just starting on Monday. I just wanted to meet Japanese lesbians, and experience the night life etc." Then she put more beer in my glass, "So, do you only like white girls?" I was like absolutely NOT!! and I said, " I'm looking for someone like Aya Sugimoto... like when I'm walkin' around the streets I'm looking for Aya but it's hard to find someone like her right?" lol. Then everyone was like, "wow!! you can go for someone that much older than you? so you like the erotic type." I was like I mean age don't matter, matter of fact I am attracted to someone whose settled down, have experienced the working world, and is confident with themselves. Not some young chic who is a ball-of-insecurities. Aya Sugimoto is an actress, dancer, writer, and many more. She's written a book on Beauty, and Eros, erotic novels...her sales point is eros, and she'll be 40 this year but she is like fuckin gorgeous inside out. I'll post her picture for your reference lol. So seriously I'm lookin for someone like her lol. Someone who will teach me lots;)

To conclude, I'm glad I went! Now that I know some people, I will have lots to explore once I get paid!!! lol. Yo... so I'll be working mon-fri 9-6! can you believe it?? but my bosses said, everyone usually gets there 8:30 or before to get an early start and they never actually get to leave at 6 lol! Although, they are really trying hard to get things done by 6, they usually get out sometime b/w 7~8. So they are freakin busy, but I'm so excited about it!!! lol. Oh well, I'm not getting paid by the hour... so there's no harm lol.

There's a girl party "Ladykiller" tonight... Also Rihanna is performing in Osaka...I won't be going coz I gta wake up at 5:30 on Monday lol. Maybe next month because we have a 5day wkend in the beginning of May nationally called Golden Week. Japan has lots a national holiday:)

That's all for now:) Did you have Kim's b-day already??

Always wanna hear bout you bro.

Japan is beautiful white-pink everywhere right now with all the cherry blossom trees fully blossoming!!!

-K

the worst thing

2008-04-05T06:30:00.000-07:00

K,

Dear Allyn,

By this time, should have heard that you have been accepted
in Temple University's Graduate Creative Writing Program, for
the two-year MA Degree in English with a focus on Creative
Writing. It's an exciting program. Some students have
actually visited the University, sat in on a creative writing
workshop, and have seen the level at which we pursue the
criticism of our fellow students' work.

I regret to inform you that we cannot offer you financial aid
for the academic year 2008-2009. We ask that you look into
other modes of financing your Degree at Temple--bank loans,
savings, family help.

The deadline for acceptance with at least a phone call our
secretary, Sharon Logan (215) 204-1796) is Thursday, April
10th. Those who have not notified us by Friday, April 11th,
at four o'clock pm, we will assume have declined to come.
Please notify us as to your decision as promptly as possible,
earlier rather than later--because of our waiting lists.

We look forward to seeing you the end of August, when we have
finalized the date for our Orientation Session.

I look forward to seeing as many of you as possible at
summer's end.

Best wishes,
Chip Delany, Director,
Graduate Creative Writing Program,
Temple University

So now all that's left is to decide what I want to do with my life instead of be a poet.

I think I'm too old to change what I want to be when I grow up.

I guess I never thought wondering how to survive month to month would be a permanent thing.

I wish I could feel some other way about this than broken.

-Bito

briefy

2008-04-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

K,

hahahaha I am amused by my title. I miss you too, bro! If you were in the states we would totally be playing Rock Band instead of karaoke (loves it!)...And big fat congrats on the job! It sounds like even if you don't like the work exactly, you'll be fine there, I've worked some SHITTY fucking jobs in my time and in my experience enjoying your job is really more about the people you work with. So to conclude, you rock and good luck not that you need it.

Not much is new here, I contacted the temp agency to let them know I was available, but I've heard nothing back. Nada nada nada. I ended up parting from PW on decent terms, my boss wished me luck and said to contact her if I ever need anything, and the receptionist I chat with whenever I am in offered to give me a good recommendation, so I still have to email her...

Fine fine, everything's fine...all I've done since leaving PW is sit in my room and watch movies with Ste and Zayne. I've seen some really good ones, at least...and I started reading Junot Diaz's "Drown" that Emilia lent me...I needed something besides David Sedaris to read before I go to sleep, and Junot Diaz is kind of similar memoir-y type stuff, only hella grittier and more cynical, which is perfect for me! Like, where David Sedaris might be talking about his hellish French teacher who lampoons everyone in her class, Junot Diaz is talking about him and his older brother as kids taking a bus through the DR to beat the crap out of this kid whose face got eaten off by a pig when he was a baby. You know, slight differences...

Till there is more to report,

-Bito

Quickie

2008-04-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

Bito,

I just wanted to write a quick one to let you know I'll be working for the insurance company I've been telling you about! Starting Monday!! It's been a real good week this week... busy but good. I went to Karaoke with my friend SoO and sang the randomest songs!!! Ciara's Promise, which she sang sexy like Ciara... so funny:-P Rihanna's Umberella was soo fun too. I also sang the "badadada badadada badadada..." song!!! made me think of you sooo much!! also when she sang Sean Kingston's Beautiful Girls!! OMG "suicidal~" lol!!! I really wish you were there!!!!!!! You'd love karaoke.

Gta go now, but will write more soon!!! Lots of things coming up!!!!!!

-K

I've expereinced 'eyes turned black and hair on fire'

2008-03-31T17:14:00.000-07:00

Bito,

That really sux about ur PW boss. Did u talk to her when u went in? I'm happy for u that u don't have to deal w the lack of acknowledgement there anymore.

Man! Kim's birthday sounds awesome!! I woulda loved to act in Midsummer Night's Dream!! I'm missin' out so much!!! Although, u guys are so missin' out on the cherry blossoms. I told u about our culture of "hanami"(translates: flower watching) re:sitting under cherry blossoms and drinking/bbqing.

So updating u on my job front... I went in for an interview on friday. First of all the interviewer was out of her mind stuck up. Second of all her questions were useless. Third of all I just zoned out coz I could not be less enthused about working in an environment w someone like her. I knew right away that as prestigious as it may be to be able to say I work for them, it's not worth coming in everyday if I don't like the environment. She asked me, "At our company we provide top class service. That means you will have to look very nice everyday and always have a smile on your face. How do you feel about dressing nicely everyday and putting make up on?" ... ummm I'm wearing a skirt suit and I'm wearing fuckin make up on my face what do u think? it's work... how dumb do i look? Also she asked, "If you are appointed as office assistant, you will have to make sure all the meeting rooms are dust-free clean. How do you feel about that? Do you think you can do it?" Then my eyes turned black and my hair caught on fire... lol. I looked at her in disbelief thinking, lady u said u need someone with English skills...if u need someone to just clean and look pretty go fuck urself. I looked straight at her and said, "I will do my job professionally whatever it is." The funniest thing is she and this other lady interviewed me in Japanese only.

So I left their office in the hilton building to have lunch w my dad. I decided that the insurance company would be a better match for me. I had a work lunch with the sports department people on saturday, and they all told me insurance company will wear me out. I think working at any company will wear me out... the important thing for me right now is having bosses that I can be at ease with professionally. It's not gna last if I just choose a job for its prestige n hate the actual workin environment. So this week I'm going in to discuss my work position in greater detail. They said last week that they were lookin for a part timer and a full timer, but I figured it'll be a great opportunity for me even if I start as a part timer coz once I have a year of working experience, I can say I've worked for an insurance company:) at my next interview for other jobs lol.

I also went Hanami on saturday after the lunch. There were maybe 3 buds blossoming lol! But there were like 20 people bbqing and drinking, so much fun!! It was in Rokko Island, which is a man-maid island in Kobe and for some reason a lot of foreigners live on the island. Probably because there's a huge american school there called Canadian Academy:) lol. They were our rival. Next weekend will probably be the best for cherry blossom watching.

Damn! Zayne's already about to leave? So ur gna keep the house if u get another roommate to sign the lease?? that's awesome, i hope u guys will keep the house so i can visit:) i really love 1722. I've moved around in philly but that was my favorite place.

So I'm reading Stranger now. When I went to pick it up from the store, I was like Eh???! coz i'ts like 700pages long. they got me the uncut version...may take me months to finish lol.

I hope Z or S is home by now to ease u out of existential breakdown.

"All things fall and are built again
And those that build them again are gay."

-K

update

2008-03-31T11:10:00.000-07:00

Ongoing lack of acknowledgement at once unsetting and a relief. Waiting to get home to have intense existential breakdown. More later,

-Bito

pet peeves and slate-grey skies

2008-03-31T06:37:00.000-07:00

K,

It's a bleak-ass morning here, but i guess Monday mornings usually are? I feel like shit on a shingle. My throat is tired of smoking cigarettes, I'm sick of the smell. In less than an hour I have to head out to work at the PW for the last time...not this past Thursday, but the Thursday before (that would be more than 10 days ago now) I emailed my boss to tell her I couldn't make it in on Monday because I had a job interview. I know I'm not supposed to call out Mondays, but I think 4 days notice and the excuse that I fucking need to pay rent next month should be enough, but whatever. Then I let her know that I could no longer afford to do free labor, and that I needed to devote my time to finding paid work. I said that if there was a position open at the PW I'd love to be considered, but that I just couldn't afford to continue the internship (anyway, my 3 months was up back at the end of freakin' November). Anyway, the reason I'm irritated is that she never bothered to email me back. Not to scold, or interrogate, offer condolences or even acknowledge that she'd received the email. Whatever.

So perhaps you can imagine my lack of enthusiasm about showing up today. But show up I must, sadly. I may not have been the most involved or reliable intern, but I've done hours and hours of work for nothing, and you'd think that would be deserving of a return email.

Anyway. Yesterday Jessye and I went shopping for props for Kim's birthday party - it's weird that you don't already know about because it's what everybody's been talking about for a week now! In a couple of weeks, for Kim's birthday we are going to stage a complete performance of A Midsummer Night's Dream!!! I'm super hype. People will be ridiculously clad (Ste in high drag as Titania, me as Oberon so we can work out some of our bitter old married couple issues on the stage), making fools of themselves and getting drunker by the act. It sounds like so much fun. So J and I retrieved some fake flowers to scatter about the yard, and glitter for both the set and the actors.

So that's what I'm looking forward to as I try not to despair about lack of funds and the possibility that I may have to work this week. I guess I should be excited to be done with PW, but no one will be home when I get home and I imagine myself feeling more bitter than relieved. But that could just be because that's how I feel now.

In other news, a new roommate search is in the works posthaste. Zayne will be out of here in 6 weeks...it still seems like we barely got finished unpacking and we're doing a roommate search again. And all will still be up in the air until we find someone suitable who's also willing to sign a lease for 08-09. There's always so much to do, and everyday is one more spent waiting to here about financial aid for grad school...if I don't get any, I feel like a nervous breakdown will be completely called for. So I'm just hoping that when I hear back from Temple I can move towards at least having some vision of the future that includes some semblance of financial stability. Or stability at all. Things have gone to shambles really fuckin fast here at the end of my year off.

The only thing to do is wait and see.

-Bito

March 25, Tuesday

2008-03-26T17:19:00.000-07:00

Bito,

When I first read your title I was like, "Oh oh! Did A just take some shroomz? Hope she had a good trip." Lol. I know how you must feel about money situation... remember I was stressed out about that too? It's wonderful that you have friends, and it's not like you're gna mooch off of them forever. You'll get a chance to give back. I think that's the best source of motivation. You're not only working your ass off for yourself, but also to give back to the people who helped you. It's a great feeling, appreciation. It'll get you through the tough times re:slow computers n Jackal. hahaha. I remember you bought me drinks when I really had no money, and you've always helped me out so much! The day that I will be able to give back to you is not far:) Good friends are my treasure, whose memories are the only thing I wish to take with me eternally beyond this life.

So Tuesday was a real happening day for me man! After I finished posting and got ready to head out the door, I received a phone call from my Saturday School Boss. Remember the Summer program I worked for? The same boss, he's the coordinator of sports department. It is now official that I'll be working for the sports department again starting April(new school year)!!! Which means that if I get a full time job (Mon-Fri), I'll be working 6days a week but Sat. School is more like a hobby! I have fun with kids, and get to play sports, and get paid! Sweet:)

When I got to the insurance company, they put me in their nice meeting room. The Canadian guy and the Japanese lady sat across from me, and in my head, "Is this going to be an interview?" Anyways I had my resume so they took a look at it, and started asking me questions. It was very casual tho. So we talked for like 2 hours about what kind of work they do, and what kind of work I've done. They especially liked what I had to say about working at Paley Library! lol. Crazy demanding patrons of Paley Library re:professors with stick up their asses. They said they get crazy phone calls from upset customers who don't know what their insurance covers and what not. I think I can handle that. Then they asked me if I applied for other companies, and I told them I had just applied for one recently. I was waiting to hear back from them. They said they would like to have me on board, but also said there is no hard feeling if I chose to go to the other company. So I left saying I would inform them after I finish the interview with the other company.

This other company is an Australian company that provides top class business offices & service. I've been there once when I went to see a career consultant I met at the first business event I attended. His company is based in Tokyo so they rent an office from this Aus. company to expand their business in Osaka. (I hope I'm painting a good picture for you of what it is.)

Anyways, when I left the insurance company I had a voicemail from the Aus. company saying they'd like to schedule a date for an interview. I was so excited just coming out of a 2 hour interview! So I have another one tomorrow!! The lady on the phone said to bring writing utensils so I assume there's going to be some kinda test as well. So hopefully I'll know which company I will be working for in the next couple of weeks. April is the beginning of new school/work year so it's exciting. I didn't imagine I'd be fortunate enough to start work this year with no experience in the 'real world'. I'm just keeping up with a mindset of keep looking for opportunities and keep trying.

Perhaps this blog is my lucky charm!! I think it would have been boring for me to just do it on my own. This is so much more interesting blogging with you!!! Like I said to my friend's big sister when she said she wants to research about sexuality, "That's so awesome! We should write a book together!! We can collaborate. Life is collaboration!!" Thank you Bito for coming up with this genius idea (and remembering that I said I wanted to blog:)!!!!!!!

Let me know about your mission re:job hunt. Don't be tense about working... you never know if you like it or not until you've tried (just like the cuisines you've tried in the past year). Don't think you always look surly... remember you can be whatever you make yourself to be. I know that first hand! In my case, it went in the negative direction in Philly. Being in a foreign soil, I thought everyone was out to deceive me or hurt me... so I had to keep my guards up (which made me extrememly sensitive to every little damn shit), but that's extremely exhausting and I fell apart. You can be confident that you're a friendly out going person (have many great people around you), and you're smart so you're able to do anything you set your mind to.

Gta take whatever life has to offer you!!

Always taking it to the next level,

-K

my eyes turned black and my hair caught fire

2008-03-26T12:51:00.000-07:00

K,

This past week has been hell on me. I've been interviewing, so I've been on edge about that, freaked about the fact that I might be working soon, and tense with the stress of having no money. I mean, you remember when we used to say we had no money but we used to go out drinking and get variable anyway? Cuz no, this is literally like...no money. Which is not to complain, since my friends have been more than taking care of me (shout outs to Stephen, Zayne, Jessye and Kim). But still, it's not fun having no money...it sucks even being in a position where your friends might normally buy you drinks anyway but this time you know you can't buy them drinks any time soon.

So today I had one good interview...in the morning I got up at 7 (cruel and unusually early if you ask me), had a cup of coffee and a cig and got dressed to walk my ass up to 18th and JFK by 9. It took about an hour to take their computer literacy tests and do the interview. The woman was really nice; she asked me what skills I'd like to improve on, and I said that I'd like to be more outgoing, because it's easy for me to help people in a customer service situation, but maybe I won't approach people often enough...and then she was like "Really? You seem very friendly and at ease," and I said "Well, I guess I have a little social anxiety is all," and she was like "yeah, but don't we all? I do."

So between calling me friendly (as opposed to SURLY) and telling me that it was no big deal to be socially anxious, she has endeared herself to me somewhat. She also made note of my special interests in writing, editing, and research and said that she would hold onto them in case some kind of quirky job came up that I might like.

So I left that one feeling refreshed and good about myself. I had been planning to just hang around downtown until my typing test at 16th and Market at 1, but it was only just after 10 and I was hungry so I walked home and made myself some pasta and watched FRIENDS. Then I got re-dressed up and walked all the way back up for the typing test. Now, let me give you some perspective before I tell you what happened next. On Monday I went into the Staffing Services for an interview I had scheduled with them more than a week before. I got there and filled out an application for about an half an hour; then I sit down with this woman - we shall call her Jackal - and she asks me 3 questions, then tells me I need to take a typing test. But, she explains, both computers are in use and it might be an hour before one becomes available. Would I like to wait, or schedule an appointment to take the test and complete the interview later in the week?

Thus I found myself at 16th and Market for my 1 o'clock appointment today. So I get there and both the computers are occupied. I wait for 30 minutes to get a computer, even though I scheduled a time 2 days ago to take this test. At 1:30, I sit down in front of a computer, and the tests they give are Flash-driven and their computers are these giant old wheezing PCs that might crumble to dust at any moment (even though they have really fancy new monitors and keyboards). In other words, I could read Kubla Kahn in the time it takes these fucking pages to load. So I sit staring at the screen for an hour, only occasionally answering questions or typing up a passage. At 2:30, I stand up from my computer and turn around to see that there is suddenly only one person in the office instead of six, and she is not the Jackal. She tells me that the Jackal has gone to lunch. She'll probably be gone for the whole hour. I should probably just call her for the scores.

And then my eyes turned black and my hair caught fire and I said "You know what lady? I WILL be calling Jackal. IN HELL!!!!!!"

And then I smiled politely and said "Sure, I'll do that. Thanks a lot."

-Bito

PS - Apologies for the wordiness...you know...and also after walking back and forth through the city in Stephen's loafers the balls of my feet feel like someone forced me to dance tiptoe on a bed of nails. Is all.

Ignorance is bliss?

2008-03-24T15:49:00.000-07:00

Bito,

Gored gored sounds... well just like it sounds:) the only raw meat I ever had was horse meat and that was delicious. So I believe you about it being tasty haha.

So I called my friend's big sister up, coz she's been on my mind for some reason, n met up with her. She's so fuckin awesome!!! I was telling her about how I'm meeting lesbians online, and found out about this event they have every month called Ladykiller. N she was like, "E? Do you have to be a lesbian to get in??" No, it's just like girl party but really no males allowed even if ur gay. They have pole dancers, and performers, and different djs for every hour. And then she said, "OH!! That sounds interesting! I wanna go." lol so, you might be hearing about a Japanese girl party soon;) hehe

I've been making a few lesbian contacts via the internet. They get together to have parties every now and then, and they welcome new comers who come alone lol. It's more than I expected!!! I've never met someone who I met online in person, except for the Temple Law student lol, so I don't know how to feel about it. It just sounds like lots of lesbians gettin together to have fun so that's cool:)

I also met a couple of friends from high school yesterday. It was like laughing none stop!! and then on my way home, I notice I had like 12 unread text from R... I had just told her that morning that I had fucked someone else while we were together because she asked. I never meant to use the truth to hurt anyone. She sounded really pissed like "why would you do that to me? what did i do to you? u ruin me. u make me wanna die. ur a liar. deceitful, destructive, immature, and have insecurities that will never go away." WOw those are strong words. Ok, that's ok. She can say whatever and it's no going to change anything...just made me feel bad a little but I could only say "ok." Then she wanted to know who. But I don't think it's relevant anymore. Whatever happened is between me and them... why should I out them? Plus we are not together anymore, and I really don't feel the need. It was just really ugly with her calling me names n being pure mean. I just said "leave me alone and be happy w ur new woman."

After I said bye to my friends, started reading all the texts. It was like, "tell me who. i tell u who i fucked." "it's gna hurt u. can u handle?" and she started naming guys that she fucked and a lil details too. And Bito, that was the happiest I have ever felt since I've been with her. You have no idea! The feeling of, I was right lifted me and I felt so light. I was sad that she really wanted to hurt me by telling me the things she's been hiding from me. It's unfortunate that you actually try to hurt someone's feeling like that... I was really unimpressed. But I was so thankful. And all this time I've felt pain... everything just vanished. The vision is, clouds parting and it's a clear blue sky!!! She said, "You see not knowing somethings makes us happier. ignorance is bliss or sloth?" I totally disagreed. Yes I thought ignorance was bliss... but I have made a huge discovery about myself:) So I just wanted to share w u this valuable experience I had yesterday.

I apologize for all the troubles I have caused you, and you were always there for me. Hey man, gta have love for people... we are so not perfect.

On that note, gotta get ready. I'm gna visit the insurance people at their office remember?

Sending lots of love and smile:)

-K

gored gored

2008-03-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

K,

The title is the name of the meal I had last night at Abyssinia. (You remember the Ethiopian restaurant in West Philly? I know you were in there once...) It was basically a pile of little chunks of raw beef in this super-spicy sauce. Now, many in my immediate circle questioned my choice of consuming said uncooked meat - Kim refused the Ethiopian tradition of sharing a plate, and when I told Stephen about my leftovers he gave me a horrified look. I dismissed them all as unadventurous. In fact, the gored gored was quite delicious, and spicy enough to satisfy my taste buds (which have been immunized by scorching pho). But, you know, it also turned out to be a little hard to digest. I have decided to consider this a failing on the part of my digestive tract, and not of the idea of eating spicy raw beef. Still, I will be pan-frying the beef before I eat the leftovers this morning. Although I think that's really just good sense considering I know exactly zilch about the preservation of already prepared raw meat.

-Bito

feeling, timing, and happening

2008-03-19T01:37:00.000-07:00

Bito,

Before I forget, I loved your article!! And I have ordered Stranger in a Strange Land, in Japanese translation. I wonder why they didn't have it at the store, it is a small bookstore in Takarazuka. There's a huge one in Osaka, but it's so freakin huge I always get lost when I go in there lol! Like I can't find my way out coz there are so many isles and people.

Ahahaha, yeah Eriko is the girl I had a thing for once upon a time... you know there's 1) feeling-you feel a spark or whatever, and 2) timing- there's such thing as a good timing to like someone, then there's 3) happening- some kinda event that inevitably brings two people closer. This was all out of order and it was all working against me whenever I was tryna... y'kno... with her. And she was this confused young soul... imagine her all grown up now...of course she's fuckin attractive!!! Whoever ends up w her is one lucky biatch lol! She's got this beautiful glow that makes you happy just being around her. I'm grateful we're still close coz it's just so comforting, and I enjoy watching her grow into a beautiful individual. (I know its corny... but I hope I don't sound like some creep... oh well!!) And now that she's going to school in Tokyo, I have a gay contact there to show me the night life!!

Great news about CC of A!!! Congrats!!!! even if you choose not to go, it's fuckin awesome that you have options isn't it?! Be proud and celebrate!!! it's an accomplishment:) We are so privileged to have options, and are given the chance to choose our paths. That's why we can never stop trying. I mean even if we have to send out 500 resumes... it's for living our lives the way we want to.

If you do move out to the Bay, I will definitely visit!!!! You do owe me a road-fuckin-trip!!! Once I have an income, I'm gna send myself to driving school. That's in my list of things I want to do.

London sounds like a great place to be. I hear you about feeling at home, "but with so much to explore." That's exactly how I feel right now. I loved Philly and I did feel at home and I miss it... but to be honest there's not much to explore... in my opinion. I guess if you had money, you could go to NY or AC every weekend etc.... There's just so many little things to do, and see here. I don't know... maybe it was the college life... Nevertheless! I love Philly!!! Good fuckin times!!!

Good luck on your interviews!!! I'm sure you'll do fine:) It's all about feelin it!!! hahaha

-K

this will be my shorty

2008-03-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

K,

Hey duuude! I am jus a bit drizzunk because it is the night before my interview and I was all tense and then Ste was like "Well let's go get some liquor," and you know I did not turn him down. So we've had a bit of wine, because you know what happened last time I drank actual liquor before an interview (I'm thinking pics of me w/ couch and green bucket!) Anywayzorz...

Reading your post I was like "Aah! I miss Keiko!" esp. because of the line when you were like "people man, gotta love 'em..." Haha, that is SO K!... I'm so glad you found a queer ally in the fatherland! Also, isn't Eriko that chick you were tryin to...y'know...way back when?? Haha!!

In recent news...I got an acceptance letter from the California College of the Arts! You know chances of me going there are small assuming Temple offers me equal amounts of $$, but if by some chance I grow balls and move to the Bay you know you better visit me there motherfucker!!! Even if not, I feel we should arrange a Cali meeting sometime in the not-too-distant future...maybe next summer if I'm set with a fellowship n shit n you got a job I could road fuckin trip out there, pick you up and we could ride back to Philly together!! (Of course we would hit up Emilia on the way! And Rich if he's still in the SC.)

Anyways, I better hit the hay if I wanna be rested for this interview...I'm hoping all goes well, but I got another one on Thursday and hopefully I'll hear something back from those other agencies or from the dozen resumes I sent out to Penn in the next week or so...

re: expat bizz, honestly the place I could see myself living is in London...that could be because it's one of the only other places I've been, but also I just love the city, almost as much as Philly...when I was there it felt much like home, but with so much to explore, you know? But anyway, all this is so far in the future...

Updates as they come...meantime, good to hear from you dude, keep the news comin',

-Bits

Finding what makes you happy is life's challenge

2008-03-18T18:27:00.000-07:00

Bito,

Bahhhahaha!!! MTV shows are awesome for ridiculousness. That guy had to fall, otherwise his speech woulda been a waste of viewer's time and would have been cut. Maybe I should apply for MTV? lol jk.

Ahh the sirens. I actually miss the harmonious sirens of all sorts, with helicopter beats, and random shouting. I am so far away from all of that. And who woulda thought the cops were after Justin Murray who we never met or heard about... I wonder what he did. Just more drama for 1722 ey?

And what did I tell you about taking a fall... you always gta do it gracefully as you did near your brother's pad!!! hahaha I thought you were the master of all 'tuck and rolls' (to borrow your word).

Good to hear that you're keeping yourself busy! Bleeding for science, and whatever it is. I'm receiving news that US is going thru some tough times... yo dollar hit 95yen yesterday thats like whata fuck? it was 110yen n up when I was there... its never good when it takes a dive so quickly. It effects Japan too as we are a huge exporting country. So I'm sure many places aren't about hiring... but you just gta keep your antennas up. Hey, you may think you're just grabbing a drink at a bar and meet someone with chances of hiring you... possibilities are endless.

Yesterday, I went to another one of business executives' events that my father and team organizes. This time it was a President&CEO of a Japanese insurance company speaking about how he made changes and improved the company during the time where there were too many supplies vs demands and all the insurance companies were merging. This one stayed on its own, and made amazing improvements. Ok, I won't bore you more with the details. It was cool, and he's a Drexel graduate. He also taught there and at UPenn. blah~ hahaha, but he is an interesting guy.

Afterwards, I wasn't really planning on going to the all you can eat&drink. But I did... hahaha. It's always awkward for me at first, coz I'm just busy eating and observing people exchanging business cards and talking about their business etc. But it always gets extremely interesting at the end as more alcohol's consumed, and people are talking more casually. I was talking to this hotel owner, he was asking me about Shakespeare, n talked about religion etc. really cool guy. And then I met many presidents in a roll... and they were all real nice people. And then at the very end, I met couple of young guys who were shocked to find out I was my father's daughter... then some people from the British insurance company, a Canadian guy who was shouting "My wife is away, my son's asleep and my mother-in-law is home. I really wanna go home!" and a Japanese lady who I had the longest conversation with. The Canadian guy tried to give me more wine, and the lady says to him "She's a good girl." And the guy goes, "Oh no, I smell trouble when I see you smile like that!" I don't know what was goin on, but I was like, these adults are D-R-U-N-K. Anyways I got an invitation to visit their office sometime next week, so that should be interesting. They said they're extremely busy and could use a hand or two:) I'm not expecting anything coz I'm sure they were intoxicated, nevertheless I got the feeling that they were awesome people and just real fun! Meeting people with couple of drinks is the best thing:)

I met up with my friend Eriko, who used to live in Vancouver, on Monday. First lesbian contact since I've been back!! hahaha. She was telling me how she's out to her family now, and is sure she's not interested in guys. She was like, "Even if Brad Pitt was right in front of me, I'm confident that I won't feel anything." It's been 5 years since I met her when she was bi curious...now she's 20yrs old and is so 100% It was so comforting talking to her, with all the histories between us. She used to tell me I was the only one who she could really tell everything to... now in her second year in college, she knows all the gay spots & events in Tokyo :) hahaha! I really have to pay a visit to Tokyo!! She is so funny, we were just walking and talking so I was like "Where we going?", and she goes "I thought I was following you, but I guess I'm a step ahead huh?" and this is every time we meet up! It's like our routine, and its so comforting in a weird way... people man, gotta love em.

I really love being back and reconnecting with friends, and making new connections slowly but surely. Haven't landed on a job just yet, but I'm feelin it dog! (to borrow Randy Jackson's phrase, just saw some american idol episodes). Good luck to you too bro!!! I believe you'll find something. (You should apply for paley circulation once you start school too! it's easy money)

Where would you go if you become an expat? If you're serious I think its fuckin awesome. But keep in mind its not gna be easy just coz u expat urself. Its the whole mindset... with the right mindset I believe you can be extremely content with whatever and wherever you are.

Big hugs,

-K

ps: have u seen the movie, 300? i suggest u see it if u havent yet:)

blame mtv

2008-03-17T10:34:00.000-07:00

K,

Yesterday Jessye and I smoked and watched The Gauntlet III for like 4 hours...Nothing like watching people a) publicly humiliate themselves by performing ridiculous physical challenges for my viewing pleasure and b) publicly humiliate themselves in their down time by getting real drunk and shouting at each other for my viewing pleasure. I was remembering the time you and me and Imani were watching it from Rachel's living room and there was that skinny white dude who was like "I haven't been carrying my weight in these challenges, so today is my big day to prove myself. I'm gonna get out there and kick some ass." And then, you stated with certainty, "He's going to fall." Which he did. Good times.

The cops descending upon my hungover ass has been quite the conversational highlight of the week; at least I've had some time to recover from the emotional trauma, but we're still stashing the Jesus away from home and every time I hear sirens (which is, you know, often) I try to judge if they're getting closer or going somewhere else. And aside from all that shizz, I didn't really mention a lot of the rollicking fun we had over Sprng Break - it was hella nice out for the past week, warm and sunny. Thursday Alex and I took a drive up to Mt. Airy to pick Kim up from her internship, then chilled out at the rock garden and ate bananas...that night Gaja and Sofie came over...Friday, me and Ste and Alex walked up to the library and then hit up Sofie again and I got ripped drinking about a half of the bottle of vodkey that Sof brought and we had loud conersations about capitalism and how it's the devil...also on the walk home I pulled another tuck and roll and fucked up my ankle...

Today I fact check, tomorrow I bleed for science and Wednesday I have a job interview with a temp agency and my mom's birthday dinner. And on a painfully funny note, I jus got finished checking an article about this 43-year-old army vet with 20 years of accounting experience who's only been able to get crappy temp jobs for the past 6 years. His longest period of continuous work was for Penn, where he worked for a year and a half and applied for 44 other positions within the University with no luck before his job got terminated. Over 3 years he sent out 478 resumes and got a total of 3 job interviews. The article goes on to relay the news that its now almost certain we're in a recession and that corporations across the country have issued "hiring freezes."

Between the good news on the job front, and the drunken discussions of our downward spiral into facism, I'm thinking of becoming an expat. What do you think?

-Bito

early morning drama

2008-03-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

K,

Hectic morning here. Do you remember how we sometimes get mail for Justin Murray? Well, this morning about 10 minutes after I woke up the cops were at our door asking if he lived here. Apparently there's a warrant out for his arrest and this is his last known address. They asked to come in and I said no, so they informed me that if they got a warrant for probable cause they could knock down the door at 3 in the morning. I was like "Okay" - it's not my door, anyway.

So I've been chain smoking here for a minute and trying to chill.

Have an interview with a temp agency on Wednesday and have to send out my resume to a bunch more temp agencies; we'll see what happens. I need a job.

I'll keep you posted as the drama unfolds here at 1722...

-Bito

I got the best dope

2008-03-12T17:45:00.000-07:00

Bito,

That doesn't sound like you man!! Even if your day to day aren't eventful, I'm sure there are lots of entertaining juices in ur head! Once you think you're bored, it's the end... gots to pick yourself up and do something. Maybe you should consider detox... ? (jk)

Yo don't hate me, but I'm not the slightest bit jealous about the ounce... I actually don't miss mota. I miss the good times, chillaxin' with good people. But without the people, the shit is nothing memorable... you get me?

What's new with me? I've started Boot Camp exercise... haha! I felt like my arms were getting softer, and I wasn't even gaining weight coz I didn't have much of an appetite. So just for fun, I started the Boot Camp training and holly shit, my appetite is like whoa! Most of all, my thighs are like back in the day when I played soccer softball and basketball... So I'm thinking of switching to yoga... lol coz I don't need huge muscles like they won't fit in my new suits that I bought when I was real puny re:skiniest I've ever been in my life. Naomi said I look tired and sick...

I had this fear of aging... its so weird. I've always felt like I was still a teenager physically, but feeling my arms and thighs was a wake up call. So I'm wakin' my muscles up, and it's wonderful coz I feel fucking amazing! Like mind and body. Adrenaline is the best dope fo sho.

There's nothing big goin' on right now, but it's the little details I appreciate. And I have so much to tell you!! But I also have so much to get done...
Hey, does your skype work?? I have skype so we should arrange a time to chat for free!!! OK? it's easy.

Oh! Naomi was reading this book written by her prof, and I was just looking at it and the shit was so interesting. And it's not translated into English!!! So Naomi's going to talk to him, and I might be able to work on it!!! First I gta gather some money to go to Tokyo and actually meet him. He sounds like an awesome prof. Naomi is like my angel, it is so weird. Whenever we are together, good news keep coming. Yo it's like I was right the first time I ever saw her, I still remember vividly, our eyes met from across the hall and I knew I had to talk to her.

I can't explain well, but I feel like my instincts are sharper now that I dont smoke or drink much... and I'm so happy I'm off the antidepressant!!!

I gta jet... but don't get lazy on me bro!!!

-K

selling my body to science

2008-03-12T11:06:00.000-07:00

K,

Sorry about the lack of postings...I guess the more boring my life gets the less I post...

There was an inordinate amount of Zelda playing happening, but I think I'm bored with that now. Mostly, Ive been stressing out over not having a job. That was why Kim helped me sign up to bleed for science.

So I'm participating in this taste-sensitivity study and they pay me $40 for every 2-hour session (there are 6) and $40 for completing the study. Hey, that might even be enough to pay my utilities this month! So yesterday I sat in a blank room for 2 hours and sipped and spat clear solutions and rinsed and spat distilled water. At the end the study had succeeded in convincing me that not only was I incapable of tasting anything, but that was a good thing, as if I ever tasted anything again I would kill myself.

So, in the spirit of the update, there are a couple of things happening Stateside that will make you jealous, and the sort of go hand in hand...first of all, the other day Zayne fell into an ounce. It now resides in our casa. Second, Govinda's now does delivery. haha mofo. sucks to be you!

But, you know, also sucks to be me. A combination of a crippling fear of working and a crippling fear of not having any money paralyze me most days. Hence the dearth of interesting postage. The most interesting thing that happened to me recently was me and Ste driving to the NE to go to Las Margaritas. My life has been pretty unspeakably dull. And you're not even here to stir up trouble.

Holding down the fort here. I promise to immediately relay any news worth hearing. Que pasa on the other side of the world?

-Bito

PS - In case you missed the comment Ste posted, here is the full stoner poem in the text of the blog:

surrounded by smoke cloudy
fuego
chatter and silence
pensive journalism
in the moment
crisp boxes of sticks
awaiting their destiny
pleasure
cough blink laugh
alive –
a rush of thoughts
enigmatic maze
apathy for the outside world
the cool soma den
with the view of the city
high
in a paradise

PS

2008-03-03T20:12:00.001-08:00

Do try to get Ste's poem and post it!! lol

Apparently 8 years is long enought to surprise someone

2008-03-03T14:59:00.000-08:00

Bito,

Apologies for my absence re:blogging, also:a trip with you and variable. I've been in my head quite some time. Also, I tend to sneak and post while my rents aren't around. Computer is located right in the corner of our dining/kitchen area lol! I avoid engaging in personal matters when my mom is lurking around... hahaha!!

It's a shame no one had a time to spare, to be out with variable on a nice day. And mostly, to be with you! It is true many people are not like you and I. Re:supernatural ability to BS and get good grades. Last minute work pressure is the kind of challenge I do welcome...

I have also consulted with being prepared, in the case of getting paid! lol Job searching is going well... I applied for a man-to-man english instructor position with GABA. Check it out at for anyone who may be interested in a teaching job here. I have an interview in 2weeks. I know that looks are very important in teaching english here...re:looking caucasian. Can't fix that in 2 weeks lol but whata heck! I'll give it a shot, maybe I can pass lol! The organization doesn't seem to discriminate, but I know that the students might...it's the 'if you learn from a white person, you'll be just like one of them' mentality. If I'm lucky there may be students who actually want to learn, and I have lots to offer from my experiences in learning English as a second language:)

Music, I miss my playlist... I miss my laptop... I haven't invested in music yet. Money is not my favorite thing either, but it is always spent. It is only a matter of figuring out how to direct the flow into your pocket ;) You gotta keep your blood circulating to live, and you gotta have a circulation of money around you to win against capitalism. I've invested a lot of money and time to get where I'm at; it's my time to win them back. That's what drives me everyday. Because I have a vision for myself. Not to become one of them re:greedy people, but to create something. I maybe too much of a 'king of wishful thinking' as I'm just fresh out of college, I believe I have the ability to make it happen.

Thanks to your advice re:keep your chin up. Translating the written word is a job I admire. I have been researching about it too. There are exams for such thing as a translating license... makes me want to laugh!

You know, I feel like a new born baby coming out of college. Perhaps I'm starting to believe that we relearn and recall what we inherently know/possess after birth... lol!

Back to the translating job, I don't know how well I convey my messages in English but it will be challenging for me to do that in Japanese as well. I think it'll be a good training process to perfect both languages. I had my mind in searching companies, so I'm so glad and thankful that you brought it up!!

Enough about jobs and serious matters...

Last week I visited my highschool. Naomi and I met up at the train station, had beer with lunch, and walked the completely altered street. There used to be dirt and mud and forests where we used to hike up for you know what. Our first stop: nurse's office. Because we used to spend a lot of time there chatting with the nurse about everything haha. We used to eat lunch there... go there after our trip to the forest... the nurse always had the nose to tell what we were doing lol. We sat there chatting with her about her pregnancy (in her 5th month) and looking through old yearbooks, while sick students came in and out lol. Then at 3:30 when classes got out, we went to the Japanese department to see my homeroom teacher, Ms.Mishima. She was surprised that I came in with Naomi, she thought Naomi was a year younger than me because she came in 11th grade and never had her class. Also because Naomi and I always hung out at the nurse's or the forest... I guess teachers knew me as one of the jock girls, except for the nurse. She kept calling her Akemi for some reason, and I kept saying "Naomi is...." lol.

Last stop: English department. There was a special reason why I went there. I don't know if I ever told you about my 8th grade English teacher, Ms.Brown? I entered that school in 8th grade and she was my first English teacher there, and she was strict. I hated her the first semester, for the amount of homework and her Brittish English, but my English improved unbelievably. I guess you could say she's my root for studying English. There's another thing about Ms.Brown... she dressed androgenous and was living with the Australian art teacher. I think I was highly curious at that age, and had my own theory that she's a lesbian lol... she didn't teach 9th grade English so I had bored myself except for the Mock U.N. English class. Come 10th grade I was suppose to take her class, and at the assembly before summer break she announced she was moving to Australia. The art teacher too. Ha! Having emptied half a bottle of gin with my friend Lucy in celebration for the last day of school that morning... I broke down in tears!! at the assembly!!! lol. I went crying to the English department later complaining that I was suppose to take her class in the fall. hahaha. I've always had a talent to make a scene under the influence, I guess. Come to think of it, there was no way teachers didn't smell alcohol... still a mystery.

So I've filled you up with this detail because last summer I heard that Ms.Brown was back in school. The art teacher too. I went into the office, see the back of her blonde head... "Ms.Brown?" She turns around slowly and stands up with both her hands on her cheeks, "Oh my god!!!" I expected to surprise her, but I wasn't ready for her to surprise me back with her reaction!! She was so in disbelief!! "Keiko?! Your face is all grown up! And your hair!!" (imagine the Brittish). And my hair, is like her hair only not blonde. And she kept giggling, I had forgotten that she did that a lot. She did it so much while looking at me and talking about back then... that I thought maybe she's high?! of course!! lol She said she couldn't recognize my face all grown up, but she remembers my face when I laugh lol. Maybe we both have the stoner laugh. of course!!

So I'm happy I was able to get that reaction from her after 8 years!!

So the story got long, but I hope you enjoyed. lol

-K

party of one

2008-03-03T12:07:00.000-08:00

K,

I get bummed when I don't hear from you! Or maybe it's just that I get such a kick out of your posts that the rest of my time is boring comparatively...

It's a warm day in Philly! I'm wearing my torn jeans (from the Halloween party) and sitting in my chair with warm spring breezes blowing through my room, a Corona and green pastures...last week when I found out it was gonna be beautiful today, I started trying to recruit people for a trip to the park and some variable, but fucking everyone in busy! I don't understand what would not be worth blowing off. So I decided to have a party of one, and I bought a six-pack of Corona and changed into these jeans (because they're cooler, but also because I dropped a clod of cream cheese on them first thing this morning.)

See, now is the time when you need to be here. I know you'd've blown off school or for this!

Baby Ranks is playing on my new "Upbeat Stoner Mix" which I am editing, and expanding as I also download lots of Norah Jones.

I've been playing Zelda almost exclusively for these past two days...it's a little addictive, and it takes up so much of my focus...the temples are really creepy and intense. It's been a great new distraction.

Stephen wrote a hysterical stoner poem last night, and I wanted to post it but the puta took it out of my room. Jessye was super hype about it and said it was clearly the best poem ever. I'll have to steal it back from him so I can post it next time...

Wish I knew what was happenin' in Osaka! Hoping you're having luck with the job search,

-Bito

the same boat

2008-02-27T22:00:00.000-08:00

K,

Reading your post makes me want to laugh in that evil way that people laugh when others share their misery - so apologies in advance if you hear my cackles come rumbling 'cross the Pacific. We have both been cursed with this thing called an English degree...and let me tell you something: people think this means we don't have skills. But I am here to tell you that we have mad skills. That we are the best people in the world at what we do (none better, for damn sure).

(Un?)fortunately, we possess the unfailing ability to maximize our grades and minimize our effort. Or: we are the best nominees for getting drunk instead of going to class...for producing enlightening discussion and insightful essays without doing the assigned reading...for passing classes any ordinary mortal in our position would have given up on after the midterm. We are the elite slackers of the academic world. And I, for one, am damn proud.

Not that this speaks to our hireability. As we can both attest to.

I was actually just thinking about this. Ste's pretty much given up on passing his geology lab midterm, having slept through 1/3 of the actual labs already. And I was thinking, damn, studying my ass off for a week and passing a geology midterm against all odds and expectations seems like just the kind of challenge I would have welcomed in my undergrad days (those good old Long Island days!). It would be like my own personal version of an 80s movie montage...Van Halen blaring in the background, the camera would fade from one shot to another as I absorbed all of the information I could about different kinds of rocks from my book, from the internet, museums...and it would end in a tense scene where I'm in the lab, handling rocks I've never seen before in my life but recognize, a memorized fact buried somewhere in my overcrowded and impressively large brain. I silently mouth their names as the fingers on my left hand slip over the surfaces of the rocks and the fingers on my right hand scribble feverishly what I already know are all the correct answers in my little blue book. It's hardly a surprise when the grades go up the next week and I didn't get a single one wrong.

Or: I'm going stir crazy shut up in this room with no job and no prospects. I'm ticking off the days until grad school with an increasingly trembling hand.

So really, what do I think you should do? What I think you'd be great at? Translating the written word. You told me once you take your time speaking because you want to be understood. I have always admired you for that. (Being, as I am, one of those people who says as many things as possible in the hope that some of it will make sense. Whatever, it's my trademark.) I see you spending hours poring over the same few lines of text until the translation is just so, losing none of its poetry nor narrative meaning. I am reminded of the twisting maze of essay fragments color-coded and taped to your bedroom wall. Are there any publishing companies operating out of Osaka?

Things continue as they have been here. I hate money, so I get a little confused about why I want it so much. The need for a job grows greater all the time, and the prospects just seem to get bleaker with each day that goes by without a response to the dozens of resumes I send out. I am also, I believe, developing a slowly simmering loathing for the television, in the way that one comes to loathe an inoperable brain aneurysm, simply because there is no escape.

Keep your chin up,

-Bito

Stuck with an English degree...

2008-02-27T16:30:00.000-08:00

Bito,

Before I forget, I wanna say, Zayne is a stupid bitch (with Chinese accent and with lots of love). That cold lasted me a while too. I'm still not feeling at my best around my sinuses/ respitory functions. At least I'm not waking up in the middle of the night soakin' wet in my sweat.

So, I'm trying to figure out what I want to do... and because my father's connections are all business people, I'm researching companies and what departments might fit my personality. I am definitely not a sales person. Would you agree? I mean I don't see myself in sales... I think I'd be better at analyzing something... like consumer and marketing. As someone who knows me quite well, if you had to place me in a company... where would you place me?

... this is what I've been busy thinking- fun fun.

Damn right, fuck Tricia. She is not a fair teacher. Someone in the position of teaching at a university ought to reflect carefully on what messages she's sending out.

1722 is like the castle of meltdown...re:finance. At least you don't have to deal with shady roommate re:Cheryl. At least you know what's up with Ste's situation and there are room to work things out. Sorry about the PECO bill... I don't understand why anybody will just send a bill that big without warning. I guess it's a dirty world.

Man, I was just looking at the website for United Nations and remembered why I thought of majoring in Political Science my first year. First of all they require master's degree, and in their very narrow window for people with ONLY B.A. they require you have a degree in areas like finance, human rights, statistics, IT, political affairs etc. lol I'm bored. It's like everyone telling me B.A. in English is like no degree. I'll show them mother fuckers lol. I am Lucky Child :)

Ok, I had finished writing but the site failed me when I tried to post... at least I had most of it saved lol. So help me out on what you think I'd be good at... what do you think is my strenght?

Struggling to face professional barriers-

-K

the damp lung

2008-02-25T08:19:00.001-08:00

K,

Apologies for the lack of posts this past week...I had a really intense one, kept meaning to post but didn't. But I'm so glad you did! Your post made me laugh instead of coughing, which is what I've been doing lately...

Tuesday I had a total meltdown re: finances. I had to front Stephen rent money this month owing to his lack of funds, and not having received a check from the airport yet. After I dropped off the check at the landlord's office, it just dawned on me that I had about $20 left in my account, and no prospects of making more. When I got home and found the PECO bill was almost $400 because they took me off budget billing after I didn't send in the check last month, I curled up in the fetal position in my green chair with Indestructo and punched some walls for a little while.

Sigh...and Ste was in a mood because he got rejected from Berkeley and Rutgers...so we were not in great positions to be strong for each other. But now we're working on paying the bills, as he gets his checks and a fat refund from the government, and he's applying to Temple's Masters of Education program for the fall, and I think we're gonna pull through with a little patience and willpower.

I read a book called Earth Abides, a Robinson Crusoe-like novel about humanity being almost completely wiped out by a plague and how one of the survivors gets along. About 1/3 of the way through the book I started to feel like when the book ended, my life was also going to end... it was that kind of epic. It was pretty awesome.

About the time I finished it, I got sick again, I think it's the same cold we all got from Zayne, but it's back with a motherfucking vengeance. It went from sinus headaches and fatigue to the fucking damp lung or some shit where I wake up at night barely able to breathe. Woo-hoo*coughcoughcoughhack*!

I'm glad to hear yo've found some source of livelihood and the thought of puf puf in the snowy mountains is just too amazing...maybe someday when I visit, we get a bottle of that champagne and do those mountains up Philly style!

And speaking of Philly style I heard this morning that somewhere in the city some teenager threw a snowball at this guy and it hit him in the face...so the guy went home to get a gun and shot the kid. Gotta feel that brotherly love!

So that's been my week, relatively uneventful, but as always, momentous...socially it's been a pain in the ass because everyone's back in school and school's in full swing, and you're not even gonna be here come warm weather to cut class and smoke on the roof with me! Puta.

Powering through in Philly,

-Bito

PS - Yes, it's my queer theory article! (read: In your face, Tricia! B-fucking-plus, my ass. Suck on that!) And they're paying me $50. A pittance, maybe, but I'm getting paid to write and that's new. Livin the dream. Ignore those people who want you to know what you want. It's unreasonable, I say. PEACE!

PPS - Just read that that teenager who got shot over the snowball died.

Wishing up on a full moon

2008-02-24T19:49:00.000-08:00

Bito,

I miss your words. I've had quite a week myself so I want to update you before I forget it. I wish I could post pictures... but unfortunately I left the cord to transport pictures from my digital camera to my computer at 1722... Could you let me know if you or Stephen has seen it? I think it was still in one of the drawers in my room when I left.

So I went to the professor's, Garr Reynolds, presentation. I met many business executives, and some of his international students. They were from all over... like Thailand, Uganda, Switzerland. Afterwards we had all you can eat and drink at the Kobe Bay Sheraton Hotel's Sports Bar. It was so interesting because the crowd was much older than what I'm used to:) haha And everyone I met asked me what I wanted to do... where I am headed now that I've graduated lol. Pressures. It was like a 'collecting business cards' party lol. It's intimidating, but it's exciting to meet so many successful people.

I noticed that my answer to the question what I want to do was very vague since I really don't have a clue. But the Uganda student, Isha, kept pushing me like "But you must have something you're itching to do." In my mind I was like, "yeah... I just want money." From my mouth, I started talking about I'm interested in design etc... iiishk... He told me "It's all about selling yourself, making yourself look valuable even though you might just be smoking a blunt." And he was my favorite person of the night!! hahaha

Hopefully I will make more connections, as I meet more people. I have a meeting tomorrow with a career consultant I met at the event. Wish me luck...

Meanwhile, I had contacted my summer job since they have Saturday School program and got a job as a substitute right away! So Saturday I worked with little kids again, and was surprised to see so many familiar faces from summer school. I was sad that my close friends were in Tokyo, but I actually know many people here lol. I have so much catching up to do.

After the Saturday School I traveled to Kyoto to reunite with my friend Naomi. She's taking a year off from grad school and just got back from Tokyo for couple weeks to see her mom. We had a feast with some of her friends and her mom's friend. OMG, I had champaigne like I've never tasted before!! It's made in Kyoto and it was so rich and delicious. I thought of you... and wish that you could taste it someday. They don't sell it anywhere else.

It was snowing in Kyoto the whole weekend, so I was stuck there and had plenty of time to catch up with her. When I visited her in the summer, her dog was so sick it was so painful to see him... he was skin and bones. But when I saw him this time he's all better, and he had puppies!!! She told me that she prayed to a full moon one night to let him go if it is his time to go, or if there is something he still wants to do, to let him recover and live. Then when he got better, she had a phone call from her uncle that his dog is pregnant and the father is her dog, Akabe... lol! She suspects that he got sick coz he had sex w a young dog! Funniest thing I've ever heard!!!

So we went walking the dogs in the snow covered Kyoto mountain... it was so beautiful, and you know what would have been perfect there? I don't event have to say it:) puf puf

What's up with Philly and 1722?? Are you excited about being published?? Is it the Queer Theory paper?

Rise up good spirits-

-K

piece of me...

2008-02-19T01:15:00.000-08:00

Bito,

U make me laugh everytime!!! I wish I was at the talk running around Penn's campus with you...

So I think Britney Spears' "Piece of Me" is fuckin hot... is that wrong? Her music video looks hot too... it just made me wanna start dancin dirty at a club. is that wrong? I just haven't been socializing much since I got back, I'm really confused that Spears is hot to me lol.

Your weekend sounds awesome! I am infinitely proud of you:) I haven't drank a sip of alcohol since Chicago airport. hahaha it was pretty funny on the flight to Chicago, I was a mess. I was fuckin out of my mind pissed that when I got to the luggage check-in, lady told me I was only allowed to check in 2 bags. I went thru security, I noticed I was missing my laptop, and flipped the fuck out. I was so sure that I had just left it at the counter or something. (I mean, I almost left my backpack there if it wasn't for Rachel.)

So, I was crying my (already) 'red' eyes out on the plane... thinking I lost my laptop (with naked pictures of myself n stuff) somewhere ... then I passed the fuck out. When I was conscious again, I was in Chicago. The first thing I did was tried calling Rachel's cell from a public phone, but the stupid thing just ate my 50 cents. Looked around and just sat my ass at a bar with a chick bar tender. I said, maybe she'll let me use her phone;) Had Jim Beam n Coke. She was nice, we talked about how she loves dancing and getting a massage. Didn't catch her name, but she's from Equador.

There was another guy at the bar, a Brittish business man, Sam. He had a laptop and a cell... he was really nice... but he was so nice I didn't know when to ask him if I could borrow his cell for a sec. lol I ordered a beer and just enjoyed the company. I said, screw my laptop, Jessye probably had it with her and forgot... lol And then my next 13 hour flight was hell. I was definitely spreading my germs all over the plane... thanks so Zayne ;)

I got a hair cut!! finally!!! I feel hairless, but it's not a hawk fo sho. Sorry man. If I tried hard, knowing my hair, I'm sure it'll stand up tho;) Big day tomorrow... I'm nervous. Gotta make lots of good impressions.

I'm sad coz I finally got rid of my cold and I have no one to play with. I finally got in touch with my friends here, and they're all in Tokyo lol. But my soulmate Naomi is gna be in town soon, so I'm psyched about that... oh actually I should call my coworkers at my summer job... if I wana risk sexual harrassment I guess...lol

-K

fusion

2008-02-17T08:33:00.000-08:00

K,

I've waited until Sunday morning to post so that I would be able to tell you about everything that would happen over the weekend. It was a hectic one, but I pushed through...you'd be proud of me, as a warrior, and the amount of things I got done and the amount of booze I drank!

After I posted on Friday, Kim and I attended the Angela Davis talk at Penn...more like we bumrushed the Angela Davis talk. They kept changing the event location because there were so many people trying to get in...well I don't know what they expected.

(I hope they don't accept me. I can't go back. I can't go back.)

We ended up there with Jake and Tess and bex and of all people Karl...with whom I was totally unimpressed. But it was funny to watch Tricia squirming with discomfort whenever their baby made a tiny peep at the talk! We had been standing in the front of the line, then everyone mysteriously moved to a side entrance and we ended up in the back of the line...then we got tipped off that the talk was moving to a nearby building. I said something dramatic like "Once we start moving, everyone is going to follow. We need to run."

So we did, and started a stampede, and ended up with good seats. They had to kick a lot of people out of the talk because the building manager was bitching about a fire hazard. The event organizer was asking people to leave and she said "Please ask yourselves, what would Angela do?"

And Jake just starts screaming "Not move! Not move! Sit-in! The revolution will not have fire marshalls!!!"

Kai was there with Topanga. I think I was probably in 6th grade the last time someone ignored my presence so completely! Afterwards we went to MadMex for the $6 huge margarita special and I downed like four of them. It was pretty spectacular.

Yesterday (Saturday) Kim and I had a long to-do list, and we got it all accomplished all the while getting progressively drunker. We started out at her friend Talia's party at 12th and Pine, then walked to South Street and joined my Aunt's pub crawl for a an hour and a half. I drank vodka tonics and once someone just handed me a margarita. It was glorious. It was like it appeared out of thin air.

Then we took a cab to 21st and Pine to Kim's friend Liz's house. (I met Liz when she and Kim had an unexpected reunion on the Atlanta subway. Several nights of drinking followed.) She had like a vat of guacamole, cheeses, freshly smoked salmon, and white wine that kept on flowing. She's living in this enormous house rent-free because her friends parents died and they needed a tenant at the house for insurance purposes. Crazy. Then some more people showed up with Jambalaya, fried plantains and some baked salmon that was DE-LI-CIOUS.

Oh, god. And then there was FUSE.

Me, Kim, and Zayne met Rachel there and Szophey followed close behind with Priscilla, who I'd never met before. The new venue is like a BILLION times better than Sal's. The music was predictably mediocre (how's that DJing coming?) but the crowd was really energetic and we danced our asses off. We ran into Corrinne and Mehmet and Kistine and also Meredith (remember, that baby dyke that Abby was dragging around once upon a time?).

That brings us to now. Half hung-over, half still-drunk, sore, apparently quite red in the face for some reason, and feeling like I made the absolute most of this goddamn weekend. I wish you'd been here, soldier, and there were several personal requests for your impossible presence.

To recap the night in a quote: "Oh FUCK this is so much fun!" ~Szophey

Oof. I did watch the tenth season, predictably with 24 hours after I purchased it. I'm re-watching it now to more fully absorb the events and then I'll render an opinion. You know how I'm resistant to change!

When you say you're getting a haircut, I imagine the great Keiko fauxhawk back in action, but that's probably not the plan, huh?

-Bito

Far away from city lights, only mountains in my sight

2008-02-15T15:51:00.000-08:00

Bito,

The way you began your entry made me concerned... but your sentenses gave me laughter. You need to know that I feel pressured right now lol. I'm not as good of a writer as you are, and I'm not sure if I could live up to the comedian expectation of my land :( Well, I hope I get better at it.

I haven't left my parents house so much either. So far, just once I went shopping with my ma for formal clothing. I had 90,000yen left from summer...spent 40,000 on a pair of suits, extra pants, and a pair of dress shoes. I better get a great job!! Anyways, I don't feel so bad about staying home...it's freakin' cold. Snow storm and everything. My plan is, I'm not going out until it's spring:) My schedule next week is go get my hair cut on the 19th, and I have a presentation to attend on the 20th. (The professor I told you about.) I'm enjoying my loose schedule, catching up on the Japanese pop culture. My parents asked, "Have you not been watching TV at all in Philly or something?" ..."That's right. There was 'Friends' and then 'Friends' and then 'Friends.'"

I saw one episode of 'Friends' since I've been back. "The one where Ross is fine." I assume you've finished the final season? How did you like it??

BTW, the boss has finally made a good call:) I don't know why she waited until now... but fridays are never meant for work in my opinion.

I miss our experiment days. Three worriors, just pushing thru for the sake of finding out what's beyond the cloud. I hope you found something valuable. I can't even express in words, you know I was enlightened.

So I have a story you might appreciate. Some famous person was apologizing for their son's possession of Marijuana. A gram of Marijuana. I say, that's stupid. Then my ma started telling me about her friend's husband who bought seeds and planted them in the mountains somewhere. He had bought the seeds online. Addicted to internet and growing weed. He would have fights with his daughter, 24years old, over the computer and would not step back. Finally the 24 year old who works as a companion flipped out and went to the police. When the police came to investigate, he could've just told them he had a small plant back yard but he was so paranoid he told them everything about the ones in the mountain... in the end he lost his job, his house, and now he's in jail. His wife told my ma that out of all the years she's been married to him this is the incident that made her realize the most how stupid her housband is. I went to elementary school with the 24 year old... chicks, man, they craaazy. Anyways I thought that was a funny story... what do you think?

-K

the city lights are bright enough to blind me.

2008-02-15T12:07:00.000-08:00

K,

I haven't left my room in days. (weeks?)

(years?)

Or else I left it last night but cannot remember why. It is hard to remember the significance of the outside.

It was bitterly cold here. (But now I have my windows open. To help the osmosis of the right and wrong smokes from my room.) One morning it was even snowing a little. Things like this make it harder to remember how to wake up.

Finally the boss switched my day to Monday, I guess calling out 2 weeks out of 3 was finally enough of a hint. So that's why I'm posting today.

I'm a little sick of the here and now right now. I feel a little stuck in space and time. Or, it has begun to feel more like a trap than an inevitability. I spend a lot of time thinking about being elsewhere, and then a lot of time scorning myself for thinking I am not strong enough to be elsewhere. (And I don't know how to tell the weakest Valkyrie that since I cannot see her all the time I would rather never again.)

So Philly is the same without you, only bleaker, colder and more mechanical. Without any sense of chaos, a serenely functioning capitalist automaton where we have no future but to work until we die and to steal from our neighbors until we get ahead. Where childhood visions of fat bank accounts come with diamond chains. (Beautiful/unbreakable.) A twisted staircase towards fascism.

Or it could be that's just what's happening in my head. Looking forward to hearing from you and the town of comedians,

-A